Warning: This is gonna be long just because I want yall to have the full story lmao and I already know a lot of people aren’t into what we’re into. So if you’re not, thats okay just please keep your judgement to yourself. I need advice not a lecture.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now and we have a bit of an age gap. He has a little more experience than I do when it comes to sex as well. Apart from all that, we have the same kinky level and ngl it’s pretty spicy. Now I won’t lie and say our sex life is perfect, cuz it’s not. Which is why we opened up and had a conversation about it a few days ago. Here’s where it’s probably gonna be TMI lmao but it’s Reddit so idc. I’m gonna be upfront and say that due to my only other relationship being so abusive , I’ve turned out to be really submissive. He’s more like 60% dominant 40% submissive. He wants to be dominated too tho and that’s why I’m here.
(I promise there’s a reason there’s a backstory lol)
At the start of our relationship we had talked about how we’d both be interested in having another woman partake in sexual intercourse with me (I’m fully bisexual) while he watched us. We never really talked about it again after that. We just both thought it’d be really hot. Fast forward to about a year later and he confesses to me that he likes dick as well. Not men. Just dick lol. What I mean by that is he doesn’t feel attracted to men. Just the act itself. And I won’t lie, I think anal feels SOOO good, so I can only imagine being a man and having your g spot there haha. Anyways I’m supportive and I honestly think it’s hot considering the types of porn I’ve looked up before … but again we didn’t mention anything else after that. Fast forward to our conversation the other day, he had said he wanted to open up for a little bit. So I’m listening and he starts off by talking about how he lowkey misses anal and how he knows we’ve mentioned it before but never went as far as actually talking about it so he wanted to see how I would feel about going out together as a couple and finding another man or woman or both to join us. Now I’ve never done anything like that, but I know he has been apart of stuff like that in the past. I really strongly considered the idea and we even had a discussion about it then and there. It would only be for pleasure, no dates. We would both be present every time, again it’d be for both of us. And we both get an opinion on who. However I had anxiety about it and found out the reason is I just simply couldn’t touch another person in that way because for me it just doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’m betraying him somehow.
So he reassured me he didn’t mind at all if I said no and that he completely understood where I was coming from. He said he loved me no matter what and that the only reason he brought it up is because I had expressed interest in the past. And I have I’m not saying I haven’t. I think one day I’d be down. But I told him I really wanted to learn how to become more dominant to be able to please him better. I want to get to the point of pegging him with confidence. I want to be able to take control. Thing is, I was abused so whenever I tried to do anything new with him he’d push me off him and hit me or degrade me instead of telling me he didn’t like it. I got used to just doing as I was told and having no imagination for how to make things interesting or initiate sex. I got some lingerie cuz I know he likes it but seriously how can I start ? I’ll be honest and say that we don’t flirt very sexually, our relationship has grown so much outside of sex that we’re happy as we are but I know I’m not fulfilling his needs 100% in bed.
So I got 3 questions for yall
1.) how can I idk ig flirt sexually ? 😭😂
2.) what can I do to become more dominant ? Or if you’re a male , what have you noticed other women do that you found really attractive ?
3.) how tf do I initiate sex ? We live with other people one of which is home most of the time so we can’t really do anything loudly or really during the day cuz the walls are lowkey thin. So we’re kinda restricted to night after we started work at 6 am🥲