TLDR : husband says I’m a starfish and he doesn’t want to have sex because he’s sick of doing all of the work but he literally pins me down in every position and I cannot move with his body weight and the way he contorts me would love advice on what I can do to participate more so he doesn’t feel like he’s doing all of the work .
So this is my first post and it is long so I am so sorry please don’t read it if it’s too much
Also so sorry for formatting issues or if I’m not doing it right but please help me understand what I’m doing wrong and how to correct it .
So recently my husband complained I’m pretty much a pillow princess he does all of the work he does the foreplay the initiation and the fucking and that’s why our sexlife has taken a hit lately and he doesn’t want to be intimate , which I do get because he is doing 95 percent of the work but the thing is there isn’t much I can do he has told me in the past he doesn’t like me initiating because it makes him feel pressured so I have since stopped initiating
when we are intimate he always puts my legs directly over my shoulders and basically turns me into a human pretzel – I cannot physically move even if I wanted to is there a way when pinned like this I can participate more ? I do scratch touch kiss his neck and dirty talk and do keegles but I physically can’t move.
I’ve tried to go on top but he likes to lift me into a slight hover holding my bum then proceeds to rail me fast there is literally no way to keep up with that rhythm or even really move beside a slight hip flex back and forth but it’s only slight cause again my movement is restricted is it that my core muscles arnt strong enough to move my hips in the pace he needs ? Should I be doing more core strengthening?
When I try to slow it down and grind on him as soon as it starts to feel good he does the hover thing again so I I tend to just let it happen.
one would think good communication would change this but unfortunately when trying to take control of the rhythm /pace he ends up taking over as he needs to go fast to feel good so we are right back to where we started …. Also being railed really fast on top just doesn’t feel good it kind of feels like there’s no movement because of how fast he’s going it’s honestly like a jackhammer – how do I change this ?
The only time I really can have any movement is doggy style which I get to move at the start and I’m really good at twerking and was a belly dancer so my hip movement and back and forth grinding in this position is good that much I do know it’s pretty much the only time i really get to participate or do what feels good for me
but again he ups the pace so fast that I physically cannot match it then moves my legs so they are no longer straddling him and makes it so my thighs are pressed against eachother and pretty much just holds me down so that every part of my body beside my knees and bum are flat against the bed so again no movement cause he’s entire weight is on me.
I thought this was what he liked and preferred and it feels good enough for me even if it does hurt sometime because of the pace and his length (very big penis ) so I didn’t realise other then me wanting it more regularly that we had any issues with our sexual compatibility or the way we have sex up until we had that conversation.
so what can I do to get better so he feels like I’m putting as much effort in as him how do I go as fast as someone that literally has free range of movement when I’m pinned most of the time and what can I do to communicate this to him in a way he will understand the pace is just not sustainable for two people to get a good rhythm together without me getting hurt- he has come out by accident in the past and split me so fiercely I had to go to the hospital and get stitches –
what exercises can I do or what positions can I do that give me more movement and ultimately stop him taking over so he feels like I’m contributing.
The conversation has really sent me and made me question everything because in past relationships I’ve always been told I’m great in bed and had very healthy strong sexual relationships
It was actually really upsetting and has definitely destroyed any confidence I had in the bedroom
Sex to me is a huge part of connection and without it I don’t have the desire to do all of the little things that he likes like hand holding cuddling and little pecks and subtle touches which I know could also contribute to him not wanting the type of intimacy I prefer
he’s not super sexual he would happily not have sex – he likes other non sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling and holding hands that sort of stuff
He says the little daily bids of connection is enough for him —-so now me not doing enough when he does want to be physically intimate is a reason being used why we’re only having sex once every month or every other month.
So I guess what I’m asking is what can I do to participate more , make him feel like he’s not doing all of the work , what positions help take some of the pressure off him and make him feel like just as active as him
and what ways can I practice by myself so I can blow he’s mind and so I’m no longer considered a starfish .
If you got this far thankyou I know it was a ridiculously long read.