Hi everyone,
I (24F) have been in a relationship with my partner (26M) for over 4 years. We have a really solid relationship. We have a baby together, we own a house, and overall things are genuinely good between us.
But lately, or maybe not even lately, just something I have become more aware of, I find myself thinking a lot about having sex with other people. It is not about a specific person, sometimes an ex partner, sometimes a close friend whom I've kissed with, sometimes 2 people.. It's more just the idea of it, and it can make me feel really intense and horny when I think about it.
I want to be clear. I do not intend to cheat on my partner, and I do not think I would. But it does scare me a bit that the thoughts can feel so strong sometimes, like what if one day I make a mistake?
Another factor is that my libido is higher than his. He does make an effort to 'keep up', and we have sex pretty regularly, around 3 to 4 times a week, although I wouldn't mind more. So it is not like I feel neglected or like I am missing out a lot in our sex life. That is why this confuses me even more.
I guess I am wondering:
Is this something other people in long term relationships experience? Is it because we had a baby 6+ months ago? Hormones?
How do you deal with these kinds of thoughts?
Is this something I should actually be worried about?
Would really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences or advice.
Edit: Thank you all for your responses. Most of them were really helpful, although a few did make me feel a bit bad.
It did give me the push I needed to talk about this more openly with my partner. He was somewhat aware before, but not to this extent. We ended up having a really good conversation about it and more, including my fears about things potentially becoming boring over time.
He was very understanding, which I really appreciated. He also said he wouldn’t completely rule out the idea of opening up our relationship in the future. That said, it’s not something we would consider right now, especially with a baby and plans for more kids.