Hi everyone, I’m looking for some objective advice on a social dilemma that’s giving me quite a bit of anxiety.
I’ve been part of a "historical" friend group for years. We’ve grown up together, but organizing anything with them has become a nightmare. If I don't initiate, nothing happens. Even when I do, I get "maybe," "I'll see," or total silence until a few hours before the event. It’s exhausting.
Recently, a friend and I (who shares my frustration) joined a new group of people for a day trip. It was a breath of fresh air: they were proactive, organized, and genuinely excited to hang out. Now, this new group has already invited us for an upcoming holiday trip and they are already coordinating the logistics.
Here is my struggle: I really want to say "yes" to the new group immediately. However, I feel this crushing guilt toward my old friends. I’m terrified that if I accept the invitation from the "new" group without asking the "old" one first, they’ll see it as a betrayal or feel excluded—even though they haven’t mentioned a single word about the holiday yet.
My pragmatic friend says we aren't their babysitters and we should just go where we are actually wanted. But another part of me feels like the "bad guy" for moving on.
My questions are:
Is it a "social requirement" to check with a group that hasn't shown any initiative before committing to other plans?
How do I handle the potential drama when they find out we went away with other people?
What is the smartest way to handle this without burning bridges but also without wasting my holiday waiting for people who might never reply?