me 20F and my boyfriend 24M have been together for almost 2 years (2 this summer) and we've lived together for most of that time. in the last year or so his libido has dropped significantly. we were pretty sexual for the first 6-10 months (2/3 times a week) but since then it's averaged like once every 2-3 weeks. there was even a time we went 2 months only having sex 1 time.
i know a lot of couples have sex a lot less often when they get older/ have been together for a long time but he's literally only 24 his body works fine it's all mental or some sort of testosterone deficiency causing this and i really think it's too early in our lives/relationship to be dealing with this. we also can't really justify spending money on testing his testosterone, there's not any other signs there's an issue with it.
since his libido slowed down he has increased his exercise, has been eating healthier, lost 30 lbs, has been going outside more, has starting feeling much more confident in his body and started taking men's daily vitamins but none of those things impacted his libido in any way. at different times we thought it might've been all of those things causing issues but i guess not. it's getting to the point where i feel like crying every time i think about it because i feel so unwanted and lonely.
even though he spends lots of time with me and expresses how much he loves me often i can't help but miss feeling wanted and desired. i flirt with him every day and after it's been awhile ill even try to wear appealing clothes or make sexual jokes but it never works unless it's been forever and i can't help but feel rejected and awful every time. it feels like we have sex more often after we connect through a deep heart-to-heart conversation about it than we do organically.
i NEVER ever want him to feel manipulated or pressured to sleeping with me so i keep my disappointment to myself and spend at least one night a week crying myself to sleep because of it. feeling the disappointment about it always makes me feel even worse.
he does not watch porn or masterbate when i'm not around and he is absolutely not cheating or in love with anybody else. he swears he still finds me incredibly attractive he just rarely has the desire to do anything sexual or initiate anymore. it's killing me, it's not even about the sex anymore it's about feeling like my boyfriend doesn't feel connected to me like he used to and it makes me feel unattractive and undesired.
on one hand i want him to care about my needs and want to make me feel wanted but i also don't ever want him to feel like he has to do something he doesn't want to do and he knows that. so we end up just not doing anything.
we have talked about how i feel so many times and every time he says he's so sorry and it's not my fault and that he doesn't know what to do or how to fix it and every time i or both of us end up crying because it's so frustrating and exhausting and he holds me and says he loves me and promises to try and be better and put more effort in but it's not that easy for him, it's just not something he even thinks about. it's not ED, when he is in the mood it works just fine he's just never ever in the mood.
it just hurts so bad because it's the only thing we're missing we're so deeply in love and spend all of our free time together, i see such a bright and beautiful future with him it's just gotten so draining to feel rejected constantly 🙁 i don't want to feel this way forever.
any tips or advice? to increase libido or not feel so shitty about it? sorry for the rant i don't have anybody in my life i feel comfortable talking to and we can't afford therapy. tyi