For some context; we met online 5 or 6 years ago, we were together for roughly 2 years and it was somewhat long distance. It went downhill pretty fast after I had found out that she had been seeing other men, including her ex from high school, during our whole dating phase and relationship.
When I found out and confronted her she refused to acknowledge anything wrong, got mad and started blaming me for it and gaslighting me, she even said she "didn't even have sex" as some kind of justification. As days and weeks went on, more and more pieces fell into place and I realized how much of a liar she had been this whole time.
She refused to talk about it, didn't want to apologize or even give the courtesy of a proper break up and closure, so in the end I cut my loses, went no contact and deleted her from all my socials.
The pain I went through when it all happened was so unbearable, because I felt I had been living a lie for 2 years, maybe I'm just sensitive, but it really did a number on me, my mental health mostly suffered, which affected my physical health, my job and my social life.
When I woke up today I noticed I had a text which I had received at 3 AM. When I saw her name my heart sank. Part of me got extremely anxious, to the point where I felt tremors, but another part of me felt kind of relieved, almost a spark of happiness, because I do miss the good times, you know how it is.
I didn't open her message, but judging by the first words it did seem like some kind of apology, which on one hand could open a proper dialogue and help close things up, but on the other hand I am afraid she is just reaching out to me because she wants something from me and not because she genuinely wants to make amends.
I want closure, but there are so many things I want to say to her, many of which I probably shouldn't say, good and bad. There are things I did wrong I want to apologize for, but I'm scared I'm gonna say too much. But I'm mostly terrified that she'll rope me back in and hurt me again.
I just don't know where to start.
tl;dr:
Ex cheated on me, which caused me a lot of mental distress, went no contact, 3 years later she sends me a text and I'm unsure what to even do.
Edit: Update
Thanks to everyone who commented, I didn't expect so many people to give advice and I really appreciate it! Thank you!
So here is an update: I decided to open the text and read it this morning, I don't remember word for word but it was just more excuses as to why she acted the way she did and why she hadn't told me sooner. Big surprise; she hadn't told me sooner because I had blocked her and deleted our texts, something I didn't even do weeks after it happened, and that had made her feel bad. So I guess again it was my fault, my fault that she needed more than a week to come up with another excuse as to why she was unfaithful. Then a half assed "I didn't mean to make you feel that way" at the end, as if she cares about how how I feel.
This shit ruined my weekend, I'm so upset upset about her but I find some solace in the fact that so many of you here wanted to help me out and I appreciate that