Tldr; I told my bf about how sexually mistreated before in my past relationships and this is making us almost break up. What can I do to save us from breaking up?
I(25F) am in a relationship with a wonderful guy(25M). We have been dating almost a year.
My previous partners, especially the one who took my virginity, I would say were not very respectful and patient. I was continuously forced into sex even when I clearly expressed I was not feeling comfortable doing that. And they kept telling me I should have sex with them even when I don't feel like, because it is their need and it is my duty to keep them satisfied as a partner.
I convinced myself they were right, and for years my sex life was focused on pleasing my partner and keeping them satisfied. Of course that lowered my sex drive to almost zero. And I thought as a girl that was something I should do for the rest of my life if I really want to marry a guy and start a family.
However, my bf has been treating me very differently. He always prioritized my comfort and pleasure. He never rushed into anything without me feeling comfortable doing it. He always tells me to focus on what I like and try not to stress about what he likes. He completely changed the view I have on sex life and I started to truly enjoy sex with him.
Recently, I felt like I should let him know how grateful I was. I had a deep conversation with him. I shared about how I was treated before, and told him I assume that's why I never had a chance to learn what I truly enjoy. So I told him I am really grateful for his patience while I'm still taking time to learn what I like and don't like.
I was expecting reaction like "okay now I understand you better, what they did to you was not fair, and thank you for telling me."
But he got really mad saying from now on he won't be able to help imagining me having sex with my exes whenever we are intimate. He told me I should have never shared such thing with him.
He recently told me he is sorry that I had to go through this, but he never wanted to be in this kind of relationship where his partner brings in an unhealed wound from past relationship, and he doesn't want to be the one to fix it because it's not something he caused.
I never asked him to act differently because I was mistreated before. I never expected him to fix my wound. If anything I only told him about it to make him see why I am so slow to learn what I truly enjoy, and thanked him for his patience.
He says if he had known about this he would have never started dating me. I feel horrible even though I am aware being mistreated in the past was never my fault. How can I make things better so he won't break up with me?