My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years (we’re both 26). Lately I’ve been feeling really frustrated and unsure what to do about our sex life.
His sex drive seems to be getting lower and lower. When we do have sex, it usually lasts only a couple of minutes and there’s basically no foreplay. He also never goes down on me. The truth is, I’ve never actually orgasmed with him. He always asks if I came, and in the past I sometimes said yes just from penetration because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
But now it’s starting to really bother me. I have vibrators that I use by myself sometimes so I can actually finish, but what I really want is to have a satisfying sex life with him. I want him to take time with me, explore things together, and make it fun again. I’d even like to use the vibrator together during sex.
The problem is that he hates the idea of that. When I suggested using a vibrator together, he said he would never do that because he feels like it means I’m “replacing him.” Most of the time when I suggest trying something different or adding more foreplay, he just says no.
I also like reading smutty romance books sometimes, and he keeps telling me I should stop reading them because they’re giving me “freaky ideas.” But honestly, those books feel like the only exciting sex life I have right now.
I feel stuck because I love him and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m also feeling more and more unsatisfied and disconnected. I’m not sure how to approach this without making him feel insecure or starting a fight.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you talk to your partner about it or improve the situation?