My boyfriend and I had been together for about 2 and a half years.. We've been through a lot together, and I mean A LOT, and it often feels like we come out stronger on the other side, but then we end up falling into the same pattern. I'm always the one that feels broken and hurt and much of our relationship has been him trying to make up for it. And he does for a little while, and then he withdraws..
We're very classic anxious and avoidant attachments.
Anyways, we broke up about 3 weeks ago because I had been really pushing hard to get him to open up and go to therapy and take more steps towards recovery (recovering alcoholic 1.5 years), ignoring a lot of the things Al-anon taught me because I have a really hard time not voicing my opinions. And after all this time and things we have been through together he told me he was giving up on us and that he didn't have it in him to keep trying. I was, and still am, so utterly heartbroken because it was the opposite of everything we had ever told each other in the past. We haven't ever given up on each other, not once.
Well I went out of town for my birthday to try and create some distance since he hadn't moved out yet and he relapsed while I was gone. When I got home, I took him back to the rehab he attended two years ago, at his request. He changed his tune completely. Like total 180. Said he never meant anything he said, thought he was protecting me from himself and was running from what deep down he knew he needed to do because it scared him so much. Confessed some really dark trauma I had never known before, spoke with a therapist before deciding to go back to rehab, just showed me the notes he's been taking in his phone about all the things he wants to bring up to the rehab therapist and in groups… he's been there 3 days now.
If you were me, assuming he's never done anything completely unforgiveable (i.e violence or abusive language), would you stay? Would you let him come home to you? Is it entirely dependent on his progress in rehab this time around?