We've been married for 12 years, together for 15 years. We both have reasonably paying jobs in London and have a joint income of around £130,000PA both earning similar amounts (but I am the higher earner, though just slightly.)
We organise our finances thusly:
Our separate salaries get paid into a single joint bank account. That "household income" then pays for our mortgage, bills, weekly grocery shopping, various insurance (Home, life, health), then our monthly agreed savings amount. THEN, what's left gets split evenly between us for our monthly "allowance" which we use to pay for things like clothes, restaurants, social events, "luxuries and entertainment", basically. This usually adds up to about £1,200 each per month
Recently I visited the dentist and they recommended that I meet with an orthodontist. Here I was told that my teeth (which look mostly fine) are showing signs of becoming increasingly crowded, and more worryingly, my "arches" (the teeth at the back, basically the molars) are showing signs that they are at risk of collapsing in, getting increasingly more narrow as I get older, and that I should really consider braces/Invisalign. (coming in at about £6,000.)
This really upset me, naturally, I guess. I suppose I'm quite vain, but also the idea of having one of those crooked collapsed smiles, just, it terrifies me.
I spoke to my husband about it and he basically said that its fine, I can find a finance deal and pay for it out of my monthly allowance over a longer period of time. Basically saying that the cost of the braces wouldn't come out of the household bills, but would be paid for by myself out of my separate "allowance".
This really gave me pause: I just hadn't considered this doesn't fall under the category of "family expense". Like, it's not like I'm opting to go and buy an expensive fashionable outfit, blowing our money: This is something I've been told I need for my long-term health. When I said this to him, he really didn't take it well and got short of breath and agitated with me, so I just said that we should pause the conversation because this mood feels really strange, and we should take a breath and speak about it after this feeling has passed.
Some context which MAY be relevant (but may not: forgive me, I'm no expert), but I grew up in a particularly "unprivileged family", both financially, but a lot of neglect. Luckily, I grew up with a pretty healthy smile, but it was luck: My family never took me to the dentist of orthodontist when I was a child. My husband, however, grew up quite comfortably middle class, and in fact did have extensive dental work in his youth, giving him a beautiful smile now in his adult life. Basically setting him up for a life of good dental health: a benefit which I did not enjoy myself.
I just don't know how to think about this, or how to feel about it, or, importantly, how to talk about it. We're still on the "pause" right now, but I would appreciate advice.
Thank you for your kindness and understanding.