I (23M) have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (20F) for about nearly a year now. And up until now things have gotten really complicated and difficult.
Very recently, she told me that she wanted to take a break and as I probed further, she wanted to break up. I probed even more and figured out it was because she confessed to watching a lot of porn, like hour to hour, day to day, kinda viewing. At first I was like whatever, because it’s just porn but then she just told me that it’s been ruining her life and our relationship as well, and she feels extremely guilty about it. She said “I deserve better” and she hates herself because of it
She explained that she started watching it heavily due to a lack of intimacy in our relationship. I’m going to be honest, phone sex and all that stuff is great and all but sometimes it just doesn’t interest me and I’ve turned it down more than once. But when I visited her in person, there were no intimacy issues at all. I probably even created an intimacy overload.
The next part that really hurt me is that she told me she can’t even control what she’s doing, what she’s doing. When she tells me she’s studying, she’s watching porn, she’s eating, she’s watching porn, or when she’s not answering my texts, she’s watching porn. And about 3 months ago, I don’t know how but she ended up on those mutual masturbation sites and engaged with another guy for about five minutes before stepping out of guilt. She says she didn’t see any private parts or turned on cams and immediately felt guilty afterwards. But i still felt betrayed and i broke down in tears because i felt like the woman i knew just did something so vile i couldnt process it.
Now she’s stuck in a cycle where she like
– she says she feels out of control sexually
– uses porn as a way to scapegoat but gets crazy post clarity
– intense guilt and safe hatred
– then she tries pushing me away and saving me because she doesnt want to hurt me so awfully and she thinks she’s destroying us
I feel responsible too because i should just engage in more intimate stuff over long distance, she’s brought up this problem before and yet i still continued to turn her down at times.
I care about her alot and I don’t just want to walk away, but im beyond confused, hurt, and stressed.
She even told me she made a reddit post explaining what she did and over a hundred people replied saying that she was a monster and should break up with me because i deserve better.
How do I even navigate this? How do I approach our relationship now knowing this and yet I still have feelings for her. It’s more like I’m fighting for her to stay with me to work through it. Am I insane for being here after what she’s done?