I (F30) and my boyfriend (M32) have been dating for about a year. We are long distance, and he told me recently that he has been feeling excluded from my friendships for a while.
I would love for him to know my friends, but several of times now, he has gotten visibly jealous and then angry with me when we have been out with either my friends or his friends over something I said, did, or didn’t do. I think he gets jealous of my attention, and then rather than dealing with it on his own, he lashes out at me. Sometimes he stops talking to me, sometimes he says mean things to me, sometimes he just gets short with me and uses a mean tone when he is talking to me.
It doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen often enough that I think it’s a pattern.
We usually end up talking through it, but recently, I brought the pattern of it up to him during another conversation we were having. I mentioned to him that I am sometimes hesitant to get him together with my friends because I worry he will get angry with me for something that bothers him, but that “something” is never something I am aware of until he’s already angry. He immediately shut down emotionally said that he knew he was being excluded and got upset because I don’t want him to spend time with your friends. He said he needed space and so we ended the phone call.
I want to reiterate that I do want him to know my friends, but I’m worried he will get angry with me for no reason, or at least a reason unknown to me. It’s easier to hang out with him one-on-one where I know he won’t get angry than to bring him out and risk him getting mad at me.
I don’t want to break up with him, but I don’t know how to get past this. He’s taking it as I’m excluding him, but really I just don’t want him mad at me. What should I do? How do I let him know that it’s not about him, but his reaction to his jealousy? How do we get past this?
TL;DR I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when my bf and I are out with friends, and I told him that, and he’s taking it personally and thinks I don’t want him around my friends.