I (23F) am currently dating my boyfriend (24M), and I feel really conflicted about something that I don’t know is a real issue or just me overthinking.
For context, my boyfriend is honestly amazing emotionally. Although he may come off as “protective” sometimes overly protective, he’s consistent, makes time for me even though he’s busy, and I know I can rely on him. He works a lot (9hrs a day + he wakes up early for stock trading), but he still sees me often and is always reachable. We live about 20 minutes apart.
I genuinely feel like if I had an emergency, he would drop everything and show up for me.
My ex (32M) was the complete opposite. He was very financially established (owned multiple companies) and quite generous. He would spend a lot on my birthday without hesitation — for example, he once spent around $4K on me.
But emotionally, he was very unavailable (due to cultural differences too). We lived 5 minutes apart and saw each other 2–3x a week, he didn’t like texting, and during serious moments I had to convince him to show up. Like when my mother was hospitalized for a month and needed emotional support after her surgery. I had to convince him to come.
So here’s where I’m struggling.
For my recent birthday, my now boyfriend asked what I wanted, and I said I’d like a pair of heels >$600. I didn’t think it was unreasonable given his background (his family is very well off, even if he’s still building himself).
But he told me he had already spent a lot recently — around $3.5K on hobbies and other things and said the heels were too much, so he would get me something else.
I know this sounds small, but it made me feel weird. I grew up in a family where if someone asks what you want for your birthday, they either get it or something very close. So when he didn’t, it made me feel like my preferences weren’t really considered.
At the same time, I also understand that he’s only 24 and still building himself, unlike my ex who was already very established.
So now I feel conflicted:
– Emotionally, my current boyfriend is everything I could ask for
– Financially/lifestyle-wise, my ex aligned more with what I’m used to
I don’t think money is a dealbreaker for me, but I’m worried this difference in expectations might become one long term.
Also, I understood that I can’t compare a 24-year-old to a 32-year-old.
Am I being unreasonable here, or is this something I should actually pay attention to?
TL;DR: I’m (23F) dating a 24M who is emotionally supportive, reliable, and present, but not as financially generous. My ex (32M) was the opposite — very generous and provided lifestyle that matches mine, but emotionally unavailable.
For my birthday, my current boyfriend said no to a ~>$600 gift I asked for because he had already spent a lot recently, and it made me feel a bit unheard. Now I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting or if this difference in financial expectations could become a real issue long-term, especially since I’m used to a different treatment.