I need advice. I’m 21(F) and my boyfriend is 22(M) we have been together for about a year. I recently had an unexpected pregnancy which made my hormones go completely out of whack, followed by an extremely traumatic and painful abortion following (about a month ago). I have become really depressed and have completely fallen behind in university leaving me extremely stressed. Throughout the whole abortion, my boyfriend was extremely supportive and helped me through the whole thing but now our relationship is starting to completely crumble.
I feel more distant with him than ever. It feels like we’re dealing with the entire thing separately. We’re in a long distance relationship. I see him every weekend but we live about a three hour drive away. The one thing that massively bothers me is when I was pregnant for 2 1/2 months I didn’t realise I was pregnant and my emotions were extremely explosive and I found it really difficult to emotionally regulate.
I was having frequent meltdowns and arguments that would often end up in shouting, since then I have stopped being explosive as my hormones of calm down since the abortion but he’s still always walking on eggshells around me and constantly reminding me of how shit I treated him and how much he’s put up with and if that behaviour had continued he wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve apologise numerous times for this even though it was completely out of my control as my hormones were causing me to have extreme emotions. I already have been dealing with a lot of trauma but now a lot of guilt for having treated him that way and I feel like he deep down holds a lot of resentment against me for that.
I’ve been an extremely dark place emotionally through all of this and he’s always been great at comforting me and making me feel better in times of need, however, I can tell that he feels like it’s unfair that I’m not able to be there for him in the same way he’s there for me. He always tells me how i dont make him feel like he can talk to me despite the fact i always ask how he’s doing and tell him he can. He responds by saying i haven’t been telling you anything because i didn’t think you could handle it.
It just feels like now we constantly argue and disagree about everything because that’s this constant tension and resentment towards each other. We both love each other so much and my biggest fear is losing him. He’s my best friend and he’s so incredible in every other way but I feel so incredibly drained by our relationship at the moment and I feel like it’s not allowing me to fully heal or move on from the abortion as theres just SO much tension all the time. Breaking up just doesn’t feel like an option right now but every time we call or see each other, I just get nervous about what we’re gonna argue about next. I genuinely imagine being with him for the rest of my life. I just dont know what to do.
We’ve tried talking about it so many times and we know what the problems are but the tension is just awful and so draining. I know its just situational and probably will be fine eventually but I can’t go on like this…
TL;DR:
21F in a 1-year long-distance relationship. Recently went through a traumatic abortion which affected my mental health and hormones. Boyfriend was supportive but now there’s constant tension, resentment, and arguments. We both love each other but I feel drained, anxious, and unable to heal. We’ve talked loads but nothing changes. Don’t want to break up, but can’t keep going like this.