TL;DR
Good evening,
I hope everyone's week is going well. I (50 F) lost my young niece (8 years old at the time) a year ago. She collapsed, and was airlifted to a children's hospital in my brother's area. I dropped everything and drove to the hospital to be with my brother and his family. My niece was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer and left on life support until the doctor's declared that she had brain death, which took 5 days. It was the biggest heartbreak of my life, and I stayed at the hospital to support my brother and his family. During that time, I begged my husband to drive to the hospital (about 3 hours from our town) to support us. He found excuses not to be there (like he had work to do etc). It wasn't until I broke down around day 3 that he said he would drive there and back in one day to be there for us when the doctor's took my niece off life support. I was grateful that he was there for that day.
Since then, he has told me that it is uncomfortable for him to be around grieving people, and has missed several family gatherings. He has made it to some, but complains and says things like "this is inconvenient" or "I think it's weird that your family gets together and talks about niece." For her upcoming birthday, we have rented a huge cabin (at the request of my brother and his family) for a family reunion of sorts. When I spoke to my husband about it, he said it was a very inconvenient time, and that he would see if he could make it (it's on a weekend during the summer when he's off work). I let him know that I want him to be there for me, and he admitted that he thinks it's weird that we are dragging out the grieving process by getting together the way we do. He begrudgingly agreed that he would be there, but I honestly don't want him to be there, knowing that he feels the way he does.
I don't really know what I'm looking for from all of you, but I don't really have any friends I can talk to about this because they all know him and I don't want to create any drama. I appreciate any advice you can give me, and thank you so much for listening.