Hi everyone – please be kind! I'm genuinely looking for feedback and advice.
I recently started dating a guy (M29, and I'm around the same age) who checks virtually every box for me – except one. He's of Asian descent and is very close with his family, which I understand is deeply rooted in his culture. Being an only child, that bond is even more central to his upbringing.
His mom calls him about three times a day – one of those calls is for prayer, which can last up to an hour. His parents also live about four hours away, so they drive down to visit him three days a week and sleeps over during those times (an eight-hour round trip weekly) and when they're in town, they expect him to spend that time with them – which honestly feels fair given how far they travel.
For me, someone who has been independent for a long time, it's been a lot to adjust to.
The thing that affects me most is how our time together gets interrupted. His mom calls frequently when we're out, and if he doesn't pick up, she'll call back repeatedly. He's explained that they became especially close during COVID when they quarantined together, and that their bond deepened significantly during that time.
The emotional dynamic is also hard to navigate. Even though he already spends most of his time with them when they visit, his mom occasionally gets upset and tearful – telling him she feels like he doesn't care about her anymore because he now has a girlfriend (whom he introduced to the family for the first time). It's hard not to take that personally, even though I know she's a kind person and is just adjusting.
He's been very open to hearing me out, which I really appreciate. He's asked me to give him about six months to gradually help his mom adjust to this new dynamic, and he's already made some changes — like reducing call time and trying to reach out to her when I'm at work so I'm not disrupted. He clearly doesn't want to hurt her, and I understand that, but I also feel like we're stuck in this middle ground.
I'm not looking to come between them – I know she's a huge part of his life. I just don't know how to navigate this in a way that's healthy for both of us. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?