I (23M) did quite a lot to be attractive to people. I have a good job, some achievements, took care of my look and mental health.

I have quite a lot interests, hobbies, some sense of humour. People in general like me and even now I await guests coming for my party. My friends include both men and women with all kind of believes. The thing is: nobody wants to date me. Yesterday at a party I've been making cotton candy and one girl said it's great way to attract women, and she mentioned she is single. We chatted quite a lot but haven't got any reply from her since and I guess she meant "It's good way to attract women, but not me". Another time my friend (woman) said I am a gentleman and how respectful I am (I have been protecting her from creeps and drunkards all evening, in one moment it was close to fight). She turned out to not be interested in dating, unless my best friend talked to her (fml).

I can bring safety, make her laugh, give her good advice, protect her, be respectful, be tall with nice clothes (my friends often talk how much of a glow up I did), yet… nothing really. For 3 or 4 years already (have stopped counting) I haven't felt desired and I am single by choice (not my choice tho). I have no clue what am I doing wrong.

It's hard to stay confident if every single time you feel like in school being the kid nobody wants in his team.

I don't really know if I even ask for advice, or just vent


12 comments

  1. i am a conventionally attractive woman the same exact age as you and no one ever approaches me or is interested in me either. it doesn’t bother me at all actually since there is more at stake and more for me to lose if i’m in a relationship. it’s not anything wrong with you, the rest of the world has changed and relationships matter a lot less to people now.

  2. You have to be yourself to attract the right person to date, stop thinking about “what makes you attractive” and start focusing on being authentic. Not saying you aren’t but when your mindset shifts toward this more, it’s easier to find people.

  3. You’re young and the time frame young adults go through when it comes to relationships have significantly shifted in the past decade or two due to technology and social media, maybe even COVID. In fact, some scientists are even suggesting raising the age of an adult from 18 to 23. So don’t worry, you’ll meet someone to match your vibes sooner or later, just be chill. Think of the women you’re currently friends with as mental training to when you eventually meet your partner, because when you’re actually in that first relationship, you’re gonna feel like nothing has prepared you for it.

  4. Honestly I think it’s about how you behave and how that makes women feel.

    People have told me I’m super nice, super kind. I’ve been called “cute” by women too, so it’s like I’m not at all physically attractive either. And I’ve been told that they feel safe and comfortable around me and talking to me. 

    But I’m not good at flirting or generating a spark. When I’m face to face with a woman that I’m attracted to I get shy and overthink every single thing I say or do (because I don’t want to turn her off or accidentally offend her) leaving me to come across as extremely nice and polite… but also extremely boring and uninteresting. And that’s not what women want, especially in the initial stages of dating. She wants someone who makes her laugh, makes her blush, makes her gasp with shock or surprise. 

  5. I can understand what you’re going through buddy. Iam in the same boat. How are u dealing with the emotions and feelings?

  6. 😓 the same with me !
    everybody says I’m handsome , sexy and funny .
    but noone wants me 😓

  8. How do you react when these women say these things to you? Like what to you reply.

  9. I would ask your female friends what advice they’d give you. There may be something which you cannot detect and we would not know online

  10. Having read all your replies to comments here along with your posts so cruel as it may be so do you not exactly come off in a manner that would attract neither me nor anyone I know. Rather as the kind of guy my girlfriends used to complain about.

    I can present deeper depths of it but that would mean saying some words that might come off as rather crude so don’t wanna go to deep without knowing you wanna hear it.

  11. dating is a whos has more game. u can be nice and still not have looks, money, charisma… it’s not just be a nice person game. u have to earn respect. that means being in great shape, having a lot of money, being hygienic and nice. u have to do everything. ur not doing enough – sorry. get better

Leave a Reply