I've been seeing this guy less than a week.
We met 3-4 times in this week for short bursts of time. He expresses openly his affections/intentions whereas I am more reserved. He was respectful and did not cross my boundaries but still initiated small touches where I am comfortable. I felt safe and happy with the pacing. I am attracted to him and feel the desire to be affectionate as well, however, I am hyperaware it's only a few days in and don't want to rush things. We've held hands and hugged.
Yesterday, we had a conversation about our dating styles. I'm trying a "slow-burn" approach in dating to manage my fears, impulse and self-sabotage whereas he views physical affection as the primary engine that generates emotional closeness. He noted that if a partner doesn't "open up" to his gestures over time, he feels the connection is stalling and loses interest.
Following this talk, the atmosphere shifted. He stopped initiating small touches. I realised that perhaps my attempt to be "serious" about pacing might have come across as rejection or indifference to him.
I want to move forward so that night I decided to let him know that I liked our pace before and I'm not blindly stalling, I am learning how to align with myself. However, he said he is already slowly losing interest and does not want to invest more effort. I asked if the current pace before was too slow for him and he said it was. He used a word to describe the process that hurt me.
I asked what happens now and he said nothing because one of us needs to compromise and he's not going to cross the line so it's up to me but it does not seem like I will cross it either.
At that point I had 2 thoughts in my head:
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Confusion because it felt like he was giving me an ultimatum while sugar-coating it as respect for my boundaries. It's like kiss me tonight to show me or else. At the same time,
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He was really cold towards me then that I don't know how to approach him with warmth or affection. Felt like I would be shoved away lol.
Right now I don't know how to reach out. I know he will reply me, it's more "wanting to knock on his door but not having anything worthwhile to say". I do like him, I don't know if he still likes me because he spoke really matter-of-factly, I can't read between the lines.
I would like some perspectives:
• On his feelings/thought process: Did I hurt him/his ego? How much of this is indifference and how much of it could be him being defensive?
• Fundamental incompatibility? it's a dating incompatibility but I don't think it'll be an issue once enough time has passed cause I will grow into it. Then again maybe he doesn't like me enough to wait lol
• If I do talk to him, how can I communicate better? How do I provide the "green light" without compromising my boundaries?
Update: I've ended things. Thanks everyone for your inputs.