So my girlfriend (20 F) and I (20 F) just officially broke up as of yesterday morning. For context we dated for 2 years but we had a lot of small issues in the last 8 months or so. None really big enough to end it over and things were generally good, we had good communication and good friends around us. One of our really close friends for about the first year of our relationship put a lot of stress on our relationship for reasons I don’t have the time, nor the desire to explain. All you need to know about her is she is a really terrible person and most of our friend group stopped being friends with her as well.
Now when I said none of the issues were really big enough for us to break up over well at one point they were. I broke up with her this past August while we were long distance (we’re in college and went home for summer break). We called it mutual and it kinda was but it was mostly me acting distant for a while and her picking up on it and therefore accepting we would break up at some point. I’m not trying to justify myself but I really did try to get myself out of whatever feelings I was feeling or rather lack of towards her.
We went back to school about 2 weeks later, my roommate and her are close friends (they met through me) so she’s over often. After about 3 months of a lot of back and forth we got back together. Things were great at first, I do love and care for her still and I always will, I think I’m just not in love with her. Anyway, I started realizing this in mid to late January. I tried to do things differently this time and tell her honestly how I was feeling and how I don’t know why I feel this way towards her. I thought we were going to break up in that moment but she asked me to stay with her. To make a long story short, her living situation isn’t the best at the moment, so I said yes.
Since then honestly things were fine, we were basically just friends who cuddled lol. We had talked about the situation a lot and had probably been more honest with each other in these past few months than ever in our relationship. We did know that we were going to break up though we had just planned for the end of the semester so her living situation would be sorted out and we wouldn’t have to see each other (for the risk of going back to each other.) Things changed and we ended up breaking up, as I said yesterday morning. The main reason I wanted to end it was because she’s the only woman I’ve really been with and I realized I want to experience new things. The idea of meeting my first love and never trying anything else scares me, also I knew I wasn’t treating her how she deserved to be treated and I do care about her so I don’t want to subject her to my subpar treatment.
*Note* I did still do a lot for her through the entire course of our relationship and even when we were broken up. That probably didn’t help, but I just wanted to say that so no one thought I was doing something crazy. I was never mean to her or anything I just can’t treat her like I once did.
Finally to the point, it’s been one day and I keep getting waves of emotions. Some parts of the day I was fine and others I felt really sad, not enough to cry but too much to smile. I’ve never felt like this before and last time when I felt similarly I went to her for comfort. We have separate friend groups but we have the same core friend group so I will have to see her again sooner rather than later. I don’t want to get caught up in my feelings and repeat what happened the first time so does anyone have any advice on how can I cope with these feelings on my own?
P.S. I can’t talk to my parents about this because my mom knows but is uninterested and is “secretly” hoping I marry a man and my dad doesn’t know. I could talk to my sister about it who I’m close with but she wasn’t a super big fan of my ex and has also never been through any situations/feelings like this.
I know it’s a lot but if you read this far thank you so so much and if you have any advice that you think can help please comment! Also thank you so so much as well! 🙂 I don’t want to fold nor do I think I will but I have no idea how to properly deal with these emotions and don’t know have anyone to ask.
Tl;dr
My first and only serious girlfriend and I broke up yesterday, it was mutual and we ended on good terms. We both still love and care for each other and are hoping to be possible normal friends someday since we share a friend group. The main reason for the breakup being me wanting to experience other things outside of her and being her girlfriend. However I’ve never felt sadness like this and don’t know anyone who has so I ask if anyone has advice on how to cope with this sort of situation/feeling, please share, thank you!!
If you need or want anymore context and have a little extra time paragraphs 3 and 4 give the most relevant portion.