Hello everyone,
I'm trying to determine if this is just a "me" problem or am if this is maybe just an unfortunate side effect of modern dating. I (37F) have been perpetual single for most of my life. For the most part I am okay with this. Sure I would like to have a happy relationship, but I'm not willing to date someone simply to say that I am dating someone. I would describe myself as a bit of a late bloomer. An undiagnosed anxiety disorder and just being a bit of a blacksheep throughout high school and college meant that I didn't have a ton of dating experience in my younger years when everyone typically does. Because of that, I admit that I'm probably a bit more independent than the average person, but I do have lots of friends and enjoy socializing. I've had a lot of first dates and I've definitely enjoyed some of them! But I feel like what happens after the first date seems to stop a lot of potential relationships from going anywhere.
I feel like there used to be that middle phase of dating where you were allowed to get to know each other casually without having to label the relationship or have any "where is this going?" conversations. Just enjoy each other's company and get to know each other. Dates that weren't totally platonic but didn't have as much pressure. Now dates are starting to feel more like I'm interviewing for the position of "potential spouse" and if I pass the test everything shifts into "relationship mode". Texting every day. Future planning. More and more elaborate dates. Jumping straight to physical stuff.
Maybe I'm just really out of touch or old-fashioned, but I feel like there used to be a time where you could go on a few dates before the pressure to start defining the relationship set in. I know some people hate it and view at as playing games, but I kinda miss the "3-day rule" just because it gave me the space to sort through my feelings.
I feel like I've had multiple good dates that didn't go anywhere because afterwards I got bombarded by "How are you? How's your day? What are you up to?" texts in the days afterward. And if I didn't enthusiastically respond or respond fast enough, it was taken as a lack of interest. Plus, by date two I have people asking to update their facebook statuses.
I guess I'm just curious. Is something others have run into? Is this because I haven't had enough dating experience to pick up on this before? Maybe I just feel smothered easier than other people? Maybe I just keep attracting very fast-moving people. No idea. Genuinely just curious.