Hi, looking for some advice and reassurance. I (25F) have been in a very loving relationship with my partner (24M) in person and have been for almost 7 years. I will be moving out of state and pursuing a PhD for 4 years, we will be in a LDR. I am truly excited about the program, but emotionally and mentally I am not sure I can handle long distance for that long. We’ll be almost 12hrs away. We’ve done LD one other time for a few months and that was hard, too. I guess we made it through…
But I am very codependent and I am really worried that I won’t survive LDR again with my partner, especially with this duration – I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, CPTSD, and depression – but I have been going through therapy. I want to be better and think this could be really beneficial for me to overcome, but I also feel like I could find myself in a horrible state of depression. I am not very good at taking care of myself even now and often neglect eating routinely unless I can cook for someone else/my partner. We see each other almost every day, if we can, and he honestly is my ray of sunshine. He said he’ll try to make the trip over every few months but I can only imagine the time waiting will be excruciating.
Am I making the wrong move going long distance and pursuing education again? Was this a huge mistake?? How can I feel okay with this decision? I’ve been telling myself that if I applied, surely subconsciously I was telling myself I can handle it. Now that it’s real, I’m not so sure. I can’t stop crying and catastrophizing. Would greatly appreciate any advice and/or things I can do during the months we do still have together before the school year starts.
I’m sorry if this isnt the right place I’m honestly a mess right now 🙁