I bought a human-like doll and it went badly.
Warning: This is a sad subject, it may be triggering, take care and preferably do not read it (preserve your mental health).
To provide some context: some people say that I (27M) look similar to a mix of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Matthieu Reynaud. I have been single for 12 years; in that time I have done therapy and used medication, went to clubs, used Tinder and had many matches.
However, nothing helped and I never managed to develop another relationship. I believe it is because of this sentimental, shy and weird way of mine, and I am rejected if I take any action.
In 2023 I was betting on crypto and won about 2K USD (note this is a lot of money as I am not from the US), and I bought a doll, let us call her Julia (27F) to fulfill my… needs, let us put it that way; thus, I would not need to spend all my money on s*x workers.
The doll arrived in a cardboard coffin. Obviously a doll is not just for s*x, as it requires a lot of work, like cleaning it, applying talcum powder, combing the tangled wig etc. This creates an attachment to the object.
Even knowing it was just plastic, my brain could not tell the difference. Sleeping curled up with it created comfort. Putting the doll's hands on my face gave me goosebumps for finally having had some kind of affection, even if simulated. The doll became my emotional crutch, I never had the opportunity to have anything like it.
The only problem is that the doll, like everything in this life, also wears out, the plastic ages, tears appear everywhere. And the doll, which was already not that beautiful, starts to look like a monster. And the worst part is you still love this thing.
So, my question is: is this that unhealthy as it seems? If I meet a girl my age and explain this past history, would she react badly?
TL;DR: I have not been in a relationship for 10+ years and bought a doll. I finally feel some kind of affection and started to develop a relationship with it.