I’ve (33F) been married to my husband (34M) for 5 years, together for 7. Let’s call him George. Around 5 years ago we lost our place to live and we had to move into my grandparents basement with my son who was 5 at the time. For the first year we lived there everything seemed okay, I had a miscarriage and later that same year became pregnant again with our son. After the miscarriage he was saying he was unhappy, and when would ask what about he would just give a general answer of “everything” and move on. Well apparently he was also unhappy with our relationship, which I found out after we had a huge fight. He told me I was selfish in our relationship and I never cared about his feelings and so on. I can admit, I may have been neglectful, however it wasn’t intentional. I was learning how to be in a long term relationship and there wasn’t good communication between us at all.
Now, I found out about this other woman(25F at the time) let’s call her Martha, in December after our big fight. He started acting different in November, and I brushed it off. He was working 2 jobs at the time, a regular M-F and weekends bouncing at a bar where his sister worked. That’s where he met her. He started talking about her more, which was weird to me but whatever. I would go out there sometimes and hang out while he worked but she NEVER approached him while I was there. Which should have been a red flag. On New Year’s Day after our big fight it was finally confirmed that George and Martha were hanging out privately due to her friends confessing. I confronted him, and he claimed to have stopped talking to her, and I would find out he was lying, and he kept threatening divorce, and so on for 6 months. I reached a breaking point after our son was born. I put my foot down and told him I was going to walk away and be done with the whole thing unless he figured out what he wanted. Me or her. He chose to stay with me and we worked things out, moved out of my grandparents house and it’s been fantastic ever since.
Here’s where I need the advice. George had a procedure done on Monday, and he couldn’t take his phone back with him so he gave it to me. I went through it for some stupid reason and found the messages between him and Martha in his archives on fb messenger. There’s been absolutely no recent messages between them, they’re not friends on fb, no sort of contact at all, but I discovered that the affair was actually physical when he’s been telling me this whole time it wasn’t. I don’t know what possessed me to even look through his phone since he no longer hides it, I have the passcode, he hands it to me willingly all the time, I just needed to see I guess. I haven’t said anything to him about looking/knowing he’s been lying and I seriously don’t know what to do. I feel so strange, like kind of satisfied knowing I was right and kind of disgusted because he slept with her and came back to me. Not to mention throughout this whole affair we weren’t intimate at all. He was adamant they weren’t sleeping together he didn’t want to have sex with anyone. I don’t know if I should confront him or just move on since I know the truth now. Please don’t judge, I really do love him and he’s such an active father to our boys, and he treats me wonderfully apart from the affair. Help?