Reposted from 2022 to include update.
I (f32) have been married to my husband (37) for 6 years, together for 7. The last year has been a rough patch for marital and life problems.
About mid Aug 2022, I came to him and said that I wasn't happy. I told him that if we didn't try to fix things, I wanted a divorce because I couldn't continue to live life the way we were doing it: fighting all the time, never having intimacy (even though I begged), us not spending time together, and needs not being met. I told him I didn't want a divorce which is why I brought my feelings to him.
After this conversation, things started to get better. We were working on ourselves and us as a couple.
Then last Sunday, I had the feeling to look through his phone. I found text messages to another woman (old friend from his childhood) asking for naked pics and saying things like, "I thinking about you naked". I know nothing physical happened as this woman lives out of state.
I immediately confronted him and he didn't deny it. He did say that he didn't mean it and it was a goof that went too far. A huge fight ensued and he said he wants to win me back. I feel like I am going crazy because nothing physical happened, but we outlined what constitutes cheating at the very beginning of our relationship and this situation was on the list.
I have agreed to go to counseling, but part of me feels like I would be disrespecting myself for staying. There are no kids so it would be a clean break.
Has anyone had any experiences with staying after a partner broke your trust? Would counseling even do anything?
TLDR: husband of 6 years asked for naked pics from another woman and wants to stay together, but I am not sure I do.
Update 2026: I stayed. We went to counseling, and things got better, or so I thought. I learned his needs and how to communicate with him effectively. I forgave him and built back trust.
3 years later and the divorce was finalized on Monday, April 6th. We tried to make it work, but ultimately, he decided he didn't want me anymore. It sucks, I thought things were better, I begged him to stay, but he wanted to have freedom.
He brought the divorce up in January and, his mind was made up. This was a shock because he continually told me divorce wasn't an option. I feel like I was more invested in the relationship than he was, and I should have left 3 years ago.
I am just numb right now, but everyone tells me it will get better with time.