This is the place to tell us about how you just got unmatched by someone you were super hopeful about after one conversation and now you've given up all hope. Or perhaps how it's totally normal that you're 5 months into a relationship and still haven't kissed.
Or maybe you just want to talk about being in a loving, lasting relationship and a certain SOMEONE can give you grief for it so you offer to make her pancakes should you ever hang out and now you're copesthetic and only wish the best for each other.
As a reminder the rules still matter and the mods are totally watching which is why it took 2 days for me to realize this thing was broken.
Love you guys.
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If some of you fellas could start reading books so that you have a reason to go to the library and initiate the cutest meet-cute with me (cute), I’d appreciate it. Thank you for your attention in this matter.
lol @ u/automoderator ghosting us.
Going to the ren fair this weekend and next and the current weather here in texas means its a toss up between dressing up like I usually do or just going with hoochie daddie shorts and a light short sleeve button up.
So I guess science experiment time and see which draws the most flirting with others 🤣
Today I ticked off one of the Big Things on my things-to-sort-out-before-trying-to-date-list. I have a job. A great job even. With an equally good salary. And yesterday I got an apartment in my soon-to-be home city.
Things have not been going well for over a decade. And this week things are going so well, so quickly, that I’m not even really registering it. I think I’m supposed to be happy and celebrate, but except from a few microbursts of “holy shit I have a job”, I’m kinda numb. Perhaps it’ll come later once it’s had time to sink in. Or maybe I’ll just do the vacuuming I haven’t had time for yet this week, and that’ll count as celebrating?
Went to my first ‘singles takeover’ event at a bargame pub last night. I almost didn’t want to go but also totally forgot the damn event was age ranged 21-onwards.
It was fun in the end with little expectations (I am into shuffleboard now) … but I think I’m leaving a bad impression with myself agreeing to giving my number to 3x 25-27 fellas in one night. 🥲
Its most I’ve ever received in my life in one night at 34. Guess I’m in age gap prison.
Attempted to rekindle a connection from earlier this year with a very avoidant man with predictably disastrous results, by which I mean he gave me vitamins when I started crying during an intense conversation because he couldn’t say anything “emotionally comforting.”
Obviously, there is lots of missing context here that I’m not going to go into. But I am done dating for the foreseeable future, though thankful for the comic relief of the vitamin situation 😂
Have you ever felt like things should end with this person that you have been holding on for years because you know them for so long that you know they will never change, that they will never love you the way you want to be loved, that they will always prioritise themselves and their family and their comfort and their interests – all the things that don’t involve you? For months, you know that you should walk away, but somehow you still can convince yourself that one day it will work, “fake it til you make it”. It’s easier to suffer now and have hope for an imaginable happiness than no hope at all. You feel miserable and hurt the whole time, you let them dangle you around at their arms reach, you try to let go but the second they flirt with you, all your hopes come back and keep you afloat for yet another day. Better that than drowning in the sorrow of a future without them, right?
But in the end, you destroy everything that you are worth. And the prize? You get to make them miserable too, with your lashing out in your moments of pain and hopelessness. Congratulations, you have finally managed to make them say the words that will end your connection for good: “We should stop contacting each other”. Sure, these are the same words you said many time before, but you never meant them, you just wanted the attention.
And now, how are you going to gather the strength you need to to probably spend the rest of your life alone and never finding love again?
I thought things were going very well and was really excited. Woke up to the “we need to talk text” and am feeling a bit blindsided. We are talking later tonight. It was so hard to get back out there, feel hopeful, and then experience rejection again. If anyone has words of encouragement I’d appreciate it. I’m feeling pretty down.
Im getting good at this flirting through text thing. Mostly so I can set boundaries but in a softer way. It’s been a hit so far. But then some dudes take a sly flirty remark as an excuse to CROSS boundaries or send me insane sexual content back. I’m staying open but my unmatch rate is getting insane
I met a wonderful man a month ago, but we are getting to know each other long distance. We are talking every day and it’s going so well, but we’ve only had one date due to my schedule. We have a second date in two weeks. We’ve sent each other small gifts and made playlists, we can talk for hours each night. It truly feels like a friendship with insane attraction and has been so easy. Yes, it’s a month. But it’s exciting.
But his family and friends and my mother are really negative about it. His family and friends because he’d have to move and I have kiddos. (fair) My mom just keeps saying “well who even knows if he will be around next month, why are you making plans and acting like this will work?” It’s really hurtful, because she says “well that’s what you thought with the last guy.” And the last long-term guy? Wasn’t my fault, he left and it hurt. And that guy lived down the street, so distance wasn’t the issue. I keep meeting people without capacity, and this guy seems to have it so far.
How do you hold excitement about an AMAZING connection while also acknowledging that it could fall apart at any minute and that their are significant reasons to take it slow? And how do you find that pace that straddles too much too soon and just right? We’ve both been in multi-year committed relationships and want to settle down with someone soon, so it’s…a difficult balance. But he’s wonderful, and I felt so excited until my mom acted this way earlier. It triggered my fearful avoidance in all honesty.
Ugh… I can feel another work limerence slowly beginning to hijack my brain, even when I’m not in the office. Thankfully, I’m old and experienced enough to know that these sorts of things aren’t symptoms of real love, but man, that initial adjustment period and dealing with the highs and lows is always brutal.
I guess it isn’t all bad, though. At least I’ve been putting more effort into my appearance, wardrobe, and diet and exercise habits, plus it’s evidence that I can still feel something and that my heart hasn’t turned (completely) black and shriveled up just yet.
Just had a very interesting 10 minute span.
First, got a text back from someone I’d been on two dates after I asked if they wanted to get together again and they said they weren’t feeling the connection. I figured it was the case but thought I’d ask anyway – I felt a very quick, sudden “pain” of rejection and then realized it was okay, sent her a text back thanking her for being honest and wishing her the best. That’s a mental muscle (rejection) that I’ve done a lot of work on.
Not two minutes later, got a really thoughtful text from someone I’m seeing on Sunday for a third date. I’ve also been doing a lot of work on sitting and thinking about how people make me *feel* – in the sense of: do I feel regulated, secure, happy? She checks all of those boxes. We’re not near discussing exclusivity yet so I’m just chatting with a few other people and not putting all my eggs in the one basket, but also soaking in how seen and heard I feel by this wonderful woman!
Just want to share that I went to a speed dating event and hit it off with a girl, got her number during the event and chatted a bit after (yay!)
Unfortunately, our schedules didn’t line up for this weekend and I’m gone next weekend so I’m now being like “… will the first date actually happen?”
I’ve suggested meeting up in the evening during the week so that it doesn’t just fade away but haven’t heard back so I guess we’ll see if she’s interested/available enough.
Question: would y’all (esp the ladies) suggest following up after a day or two? Or would that just add too much pressure if I’ve already suggested possible options?
I know my lobster is too buttery etc but having to talk to 16 men at a time on Hinge just to get two dates is exhausting. Technically I shouldn’t have 16 matches lol. I should probably unmatch people.
Guy friend and I were laughing at how wild OLD is. He matched with a girl and asked her out then gave his free days off and she got mad at him and indignant that he wouldn’t just pick a day. I’m over here making most of the plans because these guys can’t pick something worth a shit but it’s honestly whatever.
Girlfriend and I broke up after 7 months. We had some amazing times but the past couple weeks, we were having so many small fights that were grating to us and we both felt we just weren’t compatible. We parted on amicable terms, which somewhat softens the blow.
After many countless OLD dates, she was by far the best one and I’m dreading having to go back on the apps whenever I feel ready. That process of having to recreate the account, swipe again, endless cycles of hope and disappointment, seeing the same profiles, I’m dreading it.
I (33F) went to a speed dating event the other day. No one really stood out to me, but I put down the three that I liked best out of the options, even though I felt reasonably sure none of them were really what I was looking for — I’m trying to override my tendency to make snap judgements and be more open to people surprising me.
The surprise was that only one of the three put me down.
I’ve been to a couple speed dating events and literally never not had someone match with me.
It was pretty amusing to observe my own emotional reaction to it. Like I could feel my ego throwing a little tantrum, “What do you MEAN you didn’t like ME?! I didn’t even really like YOU”
I’m glad I have enough self-awareness and had enough therapy to be able to observe my own emotional reaction. The initial ego bruise only last a few minutes, now I’m mostly just amused and see it as interesting information about myself.
Question for the boys…(but ladies, please answer too if you have insight!) (I’m 34F)
If you have approached a woman in the wild (I know. Scary) what was it that made you approach her? Was she reading/doing her own thing & where were you? Did she seem open in some way? Or did she open conversation with you first?
Just interested if people are still meeting the old-fashioned way 😉 (and i’ll also take tips on how to approach guys if my confidence catches up…)
I’d absolutely love a meet cute at a bookstore! Are there no 35 + cute guys in NYC who read books any more!? Damn
I was reading survey results from a dating coach, where 67% of her population of men said “women’s expectations are too high.” She made a great point that many women probably feel the same about men, and I don’t want to start any gender war stuff, but this got me thinking:
How would I actually verify if my standards were properly calibrated? Not even just too high, in pursuit of lowering them, but even aiming too low, and missing out on opportunities because I didn’t think about it?
Is there a website/survey of some kind? I don’t mean those calculators where you put in demographic stats and it reports the % of adults that fit your desires, I have that one already
Alright it’s settled. This weekend I’m hitting the bookstore, leafing through some Ferrante, locking eyes with a cutie, and saying ‘you read with that mouth?’
I (32m) [joined a local startup matchmaking service back in February](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/eCqET2yn8T), and I’ve been sharing updates from my journey here along the way.
It’s been a little while since my last update because… honestly, nothing was happening in that part of my life. For those following along, [last time I posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/4QeYffE9fi), my match/date was giving very mixed signals both over text and in person. She told my matchmaker directly that a big reason for that was due to the fact that she hadn’t dated in 6 years, so my matchmaker agreed to start exploring other options since things seemed like they might be heading toward a dead end.
Since then, my date has been trying to set up a walk so that (I assume) we can talk things out in person. I agreed, but both attempts so far have been canceled on her end (first due to illness, second due to work deadlines). We now have a third attempt scheduled for tonight… but at this point I’m implementing the 3-strike rule. If it gets canceled again, I’m going to politely end things. It’s already dragged on longer than I’d like (at my matchmaker’s suggestion), and the mixed signals are frustrating.
On the flip side, I had a video call with my matchmaker earlier this week, and she finally had some new potential matches for me. She initially presented 5 options, and together we narrowed it down to 3. Of those 3, one never responded back to her, one (my main choice) declined because she’s currently seeing someone else, which left me with one new match.
But… to be honest, the new match wasn’t initially my top pick on paper. That said, my matchmaker was very enthusiastic about her, and I think it’s partly because she actually knows her (for those keeping score, she also knew my first match… notice a pattern here?). From my perspective, I have a few potential compatibility concerns right off the bat, but my matchmaker was convinced that “sparks are going to fly” if things go well.
My second match and I had a first date scheduled for this afternoon, but in a very on-brand twist for how this process has been going… my new match ended up canceling earlier this morning through the matchmaker. She asked to reconvene on Monday to reschedule. So now I’m back to just seeing my original match later today…assuming it actually happens this time. See y’all on Monday with the results.
Tempted to make a new dating profile. I deleted it two weeks ago when I first started seeing the non communicative ldr guy that I ended things with earlier this week.
I did have a guy ask for my number when I was working out of a brewery yesterday so that was a nice little boost. Gives me hope that I might be able to meet someone outside of the apps.
Curious if anyone has ever met through this thread
Posted about this on Wednesday, but went on what I thought was a great first date Monday where we kissed and she told me she wanted to see me again, texted Tuesday asking if she was free this weekend, and hadn’t heard back from her. Well it took her 48 hours but she got back to me yesterday and said she was free Sunday morning if I still wanted to get together, and apologized for the delay. I’ve got a commitment at 11 at the lake so I offered to get coffee and walk around the lake at 930 and she accepted. I know she’s busy but getting some flaky vibes and I’ve been in situations never really evolved from this dynamic in the past so my gut is giving me some warning signs, but hoping I’m being paranoid and just going to try to have a nice time with her and see where it goes. It’ll only be our 2nd date so shouldn’t expect too much, but if we still vibe, hoping we can have a more romantic thing for a third if it comes to that
And a different second date with someone else I’m excited about today so shouldn’t complain too much! It’s my first foray into dating new people in like 18 months so probably just a lot of nerves
I just pieced together that a variety of symptoms I’ve been experiencing might be connected to the birth control I switched to a few months ago.
Contemplating going back to the lower dosage or pausing altogether. I’m about to start preparing for a move and need to rev up my job search so stopping might not be the best move.
Was hoping for a hot girl summer moment in a few months but seems like i’ll be spending it job seeking and trying to get a grip on my health. not bummed about it but would like some r&r and fun now that I’m no longer properly ill.
Curious the know when everyone started dating again after a breakup? I am fresh out of a break up with who I thought was my forever and was totally blindsided by his behavior. I want to allow myself time to heal but I also know that I want a family one day and feel the pressure of my 30s (F34). I just know I can’t drag anyone in as a rebound but I also know I am a great partner and have done so much work on my self and am ready for stable and grounded love.
*Some mistakes get made*
*That’s alright, that’s okay*
*In the end it’s better for me*
*That’s the moral of the story, babe*
On loop without a doubt till I get over how messed up it all feels right now.
My therapist said that I should be quicker with asking women out and also set clearer intentions when doing so since I don’t typically feel any physical attraction in the beginning (I’m a demisexual) and therefore don’t signal interest early (and therefore don’t ask). She said that if I don’t feel attraction, I could at least remain curious.
So I did something with that advice today and I asked someone out. She’s an (ex-)coworker, around my age.
My employer let me go last week, but I hadn’t turned in my work stuff yet, which I made an appointment for today. I was about 30 minutes too early for my appointment, so I opted to just lounge around in the lobby and wait. I saw her working there, I said hi and just went on to do my own thing.
A couple minutes later, she actually came over to sit with me and asked how I was doing. Turns out she learned they let me go. I told her that I was doing okay and that I’m on the hunt for a new job. The conversation quickly changed from work to life in general. The subject eventually landed on dating (she’s single too) and we had a surprisingly nice and open conversation about it. We shared our dating woes, our disdain for dating apps and the struggle of finding someone compatible.
She asked me about my relationship status. Just before I could answer, the person I needed to turn my work stuff over to arrived. After handling that, I went back to her just to chat some more. She circled back to the dating topic and then my therapist’s advice rang through my head. So I went ‘screw it’ and I asked her out. She got flustered a bit, but declined. She did say she would like to go out with me for fun but it made it clear it wouldn’t be a date from her POV. She then gave me her number.
Glad I asked, though. It felt good. I hope this new approach will get me somewhere in the future.
I was seeing someone for almost 2 months, and he ended things with me saying he didn’t want a relationship and didn’t feel a spark anymore. Problem is, the day before this we had marathon sex and he slept over and we continued in the morning. The first thing he did upon waking up was grab my body close and initiated one final fuck (unbeknownst to me). I confronted him about this but he never responded. I can’t shake the feeling of being used and wonder if he only even went on as many dates with me for the sex. I really thought we had something. Felt a deep emotional connection. He was really open and vulnerable with me emotionally, so I can’t understand why he would do this. It’s been a month and that’s the part that I can’t get over. I was in a LTR that ended last year where I felt nothing for the last few years and it felt so good to feel something again 🥲
Trying to get used to all the new lifestyle changes since being diagnosed T2 diabetic and it’s going okay. But it’s kind of a lot. Mainly exercising after every single meal, no carbs or sugar, and now I have a continuous glucose monitor attached to my arm 24/7. I’m already cringing at the idea of this getting brought up on a date.
What is the acceptable limit or expectation in terms of dating someone in their thirties and beyond who is actively “working on themselves?”
The apps were never that great for me but always seemed worth a shot. The vast majority of profiles seem like everyone expects people to have all of their shit together at this age. I’m (38/M) working on my weight and trying to be more active. I have ADHD, so while I do have hobbies I love, asking me what I do for fun is a bit of a loaded question because what’s rewarding for my brain changes so often. I talk to a therapist. Theoretically, these things are all positive. I believe humans are constantly growing, evolving, improving, changing through life. But, are those things red flags, green flags, or inconsequential at this age?
I was seeing someone for a year and thought he was it. I moved to the burbs to be closer to him and to start building a life together. We both agreed we had never felt this way before about someone. We both naturally felt at ease around one another and felt like we could be our true authentic selves (something that was lacking for both of us in previous partnerships). He was my best friend and my favorite person to be around. However, after encouraging him to stop people pleasing and to stay true to himself and his needs, he decided that traditional partnership actually wasn’t for him. So we had to break up and I am moving back to the city. This was a few months ago but I still feel so heartbroken, angry, confused and also just plain worried I am never going to find a connection like that again at my age (36). Also, the thought of going on apps again is just awful to think about. 🤮
I want to be ok being single. But it makes me feel lonely.
I’ve been trying the burning haystack method.
In my previous relationship I was always very affectionate with words and physically, but it was rarely reciprocated, which is one reason I fell out of love. I thought it was an important outlet for my romantic feeling towards a partner. Yet with the man I’ve been for months I somehow realize I’m not really all that touchy and struggle to tease him properly. He somehow still feels like a stranger in some ways, and there is some kind of invisible wall I can’t bring down.
I like him a lot. I was even a bit obsessed in the beginning, and we the sex is honestly great. I don’t know how to bridge the gap. He’s a great guy, he talks the talk and walks the walk, and is consistent to what he promises (he doesn’t promise much, but still). But we’ve never really had just a lazy stay-in weekend together, only home office days we spend together. But these are in most part taken up by… well, work, even if we have a longer lunch date in the middle. He is physically affectionate, maybe isn’t that reassuring verbally. Chatting and talking to him I feel like we’re having friendly conversation, it’s too sterile.
I don’t know what my problem is really. Since our conversations hits this “good, but not closest friend” tone, I don’t ever feel like I have a cue to discuss feelings. I have a hard time thinking in “we”, but I always struggled with that, even in past relationships, I don’t feel like I have this whole girlfriend routine down, it doesn’t come naturally to me. I don’t feel reassured enough to move anything forward, I’d need fucking fireworks and lightning bolts for a clear enough sign that he actually likes me and isn’t just biding his time.
Yesterday I was venting about the attempt at dating a friend. I found out that he’s paying his ex’s bills still (no kids, never married, broke up four years ago).
I did the right thing, I’m proud of myself and et cetera. It still hurts SO BAD though. I came home from work early because I can’t help but start crying. I really didn’t want to come home because my sheets smell like him.
Dammit.
I (31M) just made it official with a wonderful woman (28F) who I met on Hinge and I just wanted to gush about it as another data point that something good COULD come out of dating apps.
We’ve been seeing each other for 2 months (like 4 times a week in the past 2 weeks, too many dates to count since we live in the same neighbourhood and have been hanging out multiple times a week since the first week) and everything just felt right. She’s a cautious person and have been careful to take it slow, but things escalated extremely quickly once we started holding hands on the 5th date, and we finally had a talk last night about becoming official because we both recognized what we have is special. I never once felt anxiety about how we feel about each other, we never played games, and we never had much expectations of each other except getting to know one another and seeing if we enjoyed each other’s company. Despite meeting on an app, I’ve never had a more organic build-up to a relationship.
I’m thrilled to finally call her my girlfriend and I’m excited to see what the future brings.
Starting to date again after my last relationship ended because I caught my ex cheating. Just went on a date at a craft beer place and my date turned up wearing a three piece suit. Despair.
I’m in reverse Hinge ELO hell. All they’re showing me are the most basic, stereotypically hot people and I couldn’t be less attracted to any of them. If I read “don’t hate me if I swiped right for your dog” one more time I’m gonna be in the papers tomorrow. Hinge plz, just show me the weirdos.
Small follow-up to my post yesterday. I waited until evening and, just as I’d hoped, got a response to my low-key check-in text. Now they’re gone for the weekend and the more I think of it the more my opinion is changing… while it would nice to get a text or two, I’m starting to feel more like I’d rather not hear from them. It’s a packed weekend and I want them to be able to focus on being present, not worrying about texting me. If I hear from them I’ll try to responses light, and hopefully we can hang early next week.
This reduction in rumination is brought to you by a video about Carl Jung and stopping thinking that YouTube decided to show me. Thanks, YouTube!
I’m enjoying and ok with being single right now, but a makeout session with a cutie would be nice
So frustrated right now. Had a friend (who is up to her neck in her choice of guys so she doesn’t have my problem) explain what my “problem” is with men. Apparently I’m warm, funny, kind. But guarded and too confident/independent/ in a protective shell? Like I give off an aura of not needing anyone so men don’t approach me? And her guys boomerang back into her life, mine…don’t.
I am also demisexual, so I don’t really feel all that interested in most people, unless we’ve really connected. I’ve only talked with two guys since August, and neither made it to a first date.
Also, where do you meet people in a reoccurring space if you don’t have a hobby or go to a gym, or want to sign up for a random class? Because I’m running out of ideas.
I wonder if I’m growing up or growing old. Found out a guy I met from work has a huge body count (100-200) but the guy is also wealthy, cute, very sociable, charming, likes clubbing, funny, travels a lot and hasn’t been in long term relationships.
So here I am thinking guys that are easy to talk to are generally well-liked and thus likely to have had a lot of girls unless they were in long term relationships which is another can of worms. Is it just part of getting old that people who are attractive generally have a lot of sexual experiences.
Unfortunately I’m pretty introverted so with my experience of 1, I think I’m screwed with the experience gap