So last weekend, the wife (41) and I (39) went away for a two nights of childless freedom. This happens extremely rarely, maybe once per year if we are lucky. We seemed to have a really good weekend, she even said so.
The last year has been rocky, I stopped initiating sex years ago and just don't have the energy these days to argue or put in the effort to try and initiate anything. I am just just a passenger and she runs the schedule to suit her completely.
In the last year, I started to turn her down, as the infrequency of sex created a lot of pressure. If you don't get anything for weeks, you cannot perform on short notice and I just don't want the pressure. This really bothered her, and I explained that she has always treated sex as a burden, and she says that she is tired and overwhelmed so I don't expect anything from her. So it is fine she doesn't need to.
Over the years, I would occasionally buy her lingerie, little bits and pieces here or there, such as little things that I think she would look cute in. I also sometimes would go clothes shopping with her, and she would pick stuff and I would say it looks good or not. I would also pick out things that I think would look good on her. Honestly I would rather be do anything else, but I do it because she seemed to like it. I got nothing from it- but I don't expect to get something- but I would not mind if I never went again.
On the drive home from our weekend, we stopped by the large shopping mall and we were just wondering through the shops. she wanted to be workout tights, and we did that.
she told me as we wondered through- she didn't like the stuff that I bought for her over the years, I only buy stuff that I like and not what she likes.
To say I was pissed is an understatement. I took a lot of effort when I was buying her stuff, do you know how hard it is to get the right size bra or choose the right colour, the right fit, or find things that would work for her. I didn't say anything, I can't communicate like that and I know better to say anything when I don't have my thoughts ready in my mind. I didn't want to say something wrong or piss her off. I just kind of shut down and kept to myself for the rest of the day.
I felt really really underappreciated. Especially after having such a rocky year. I found it really ungrateful, and maybe most times I would just let it go. But I was just pissed and just too tired and frustrated.
I have decided that I will never buy anything for her again, and she can to the shops by herself. If it is such a burden for her for someone else to buy her something, then don't worry I won't put that on her.
I can't even see the logic, If your partner goes to the effort to get something- some times spicy sometimes not, because he thinks you would look good, or he wants to take it off with his teeth, how can you have such negative feelings.
once again it just confirmed to me- sex is a burden to her. I don't have the energy or the fight anymore.