My mom probably isn’t the most logical person, but is accomplished and has made it pretty far in life. But she’s also always micromanaged me. It made sense as a kid, but was definitely over controlling in college. And now she tries to control my dating life.
My gf and I have been dating for two years. But my mom continually says I shouldn’t marry my gf and should not rush into marriage at my (24) young age.
My gf and I agree on values and religion. We also come from the same ethnic background. She’s also very kind and loving but has had a problem with lying.
Here are my moms qualms with her:
– she’s too short (my gf is around 5’3.5”) but is very skinny. My mom thinks I would have short sons (I’m 6’ 1”). I’m not sure how genetics would play out but we all know life is tougher as a short male
– she didn’t go to a good enough school. She went to an in state school where she could get a degree but save money on tuition, which I admire because I always wanted a stay at home wife and a big family. But my mom seems to think she hasn’t accomplished enough in her career (which is dumb tbh I think most jobs are just corporate slop)
– she has too many earrings. I agree here but my gf took some out so now she only has two on each ear.
– does too many drugs. She still vapes occasionally which isn’t the end of the world. She did use to smoke like a cart of weed every other day, but she stopped so I’m proud of her. Not ideal but still we can work thru it
– has too many bodies. My gf unfortunately is on the higher end of sexual partners, with 10. Not ideal for me and I think I revealed to my mom when I was drunk and upset about it. I wouldn’t choose for it but I’m sure there’s some other girls out there with more.
Yes my gf isn’t perfect but I love her and her few flaws I can work thru. My mom isn’t as forgiving tho and seems to think I’m some 6’8” tall super model athlete that can instantly find a perfectly designed women who never did anything wrong. But she’s not realistic. I’ve tried explaining I love my gf and she’s mostly loyal and we see eye to eye on the important things but she doesn’t budge. It’s starting to get disrespectful.
Unfortunately my gf went thru my phone because she could tell I was stressed ab something on text and read the messages between me and my mom and understandably got mad. I’ve always defended my gf but she wants me to defend her more. So now I’m pretty much on no contact with my mom and I moved out living with girlfriend. Id love for my mom to see my gf as I see her. And I would love for my gf to not hate my mom just for being a little selective in my dating and hope she can forgive her.
How can I improve this dynamic between my mom and gf?
EDIT: my gf also has always wanted to be a SAHM! It’s not just my wish for her but a value we agree on