I’m 26F from a religious background where sex before marriage isn’t allowed. I got married last year to my husband (35M, who also claims he was a virgin). I love him and he loves me, but our sex life is disappointing.
Before marriage, he was barely intimate, which was normal in my country. I made it clear that sex is very important to me and that if he had a low libido or wasn’t very interested in sex, I needed honesty before committing. After our katb el kitab (the religious ceremony before the wedding where sex became allowed), he still showed almost no physical interest. I tried initiating and even sent lingerie photos, but he didn’t seem to care and blamed it on the distance. I respected that since we were long distance and he had strict religious beliefs (some people prefer to wait for sex until after the wedding celebration), but I brought it up again and made my expectations clear multiple times.
Here’s how it went: we only had sex about 4–5 times during our 15-day honeymoon. I even booked a private villa with a pool and wore the sexiest bikini, only to end up swimming alone and FaceTiming my best friend while he stayed inside on his phone.
We’ve now been married for 9 months. We have sex about once a week at most, sometimes less. He avoids touching my private area (even though I am very clean), saying that “when it gets wet, I don’t like it anymore.” He finishes very quickly (often in under a minute). When I dress sexy, he laughs or makes jokes, which embarrasses me (for example, asking why I am dressed like that). That said, he does enjoy sex and usually engages in foreplay so that I also finish (using a vibrator as he seems uncomfortable touching me directly,which obviously gets the job done). He likes touching me everywhere except my private area.
I take very good care of my hygiene, and I am generally considered attractive and his type. I’m also very open-minded sexually, so I never imagined my sex life in marriage would feel like this, especially after waiting my whole life.
Now I often find myself fantasizing about other imaginary men. I blame it on my religion. I wish I had prior experience or at least had the chance to explore compatibility with him before getting married. I love my husband and don’t want to leave, but I feel very unsatisfied and confused. I can’t stop thinking about how sex might feel with someone else, and I want to stop thinking this way, but I don’t know how.