F30 here. My last relationship ended over two years ago, and since then I’ve casually dated and spent time with men. But honestly, I don’t really see the benefit of having a partner anymore.
I have my own place, a well-paying job, great friends, and I don’t want kids. My life feels more peaceful than it ever did when I was in a relationship, and I’m genuinely content.
Being in a relationship just feels like juggling someone else’s schedule and constantly compromising. In the past, it’s often felt like I had to take on a caregiving role (cooking, emotional support, etc.) with little to nothing in return. Right now, I mostly see drawbacks and not many real benefits to having a boyfriend.
If I want companionship, I have my friends. If I want intimacy, I can find that without strings attached.
Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anyone else relate?
30 comments
Yes, the only thing that I can’t relate is I do want Kids, I really wish I didn’t need Men to conceive (I mean an affordable way) but yeah, dating has destroyed my peace beyond my límits
Same, but with girls in my case
Everyone has different desires. It’s okay to not what a partner.
I agree that relationships are a lot of work, risk, and compromise. Some may not feel it worth it. To me, nothing in the world can replace the feeling of connection that a romantic partner brings.
Masurbation or hook-up sex is not the same as deep, passionate sex with a soul mate, at least to me.
I think 90% of single women above 30 feel the same as you girl!
Exactly the same, I’ve put in a lot previously and recently just landed on my feet in a nice place, can’t see myself ever sacrificing this now
It truly is. We are always told not to generalize but then how come so many of us feel this way about men? I got dumped around 4 months ago by my fifth serious relationship and finally decided that this is the last time I will ever put any effort into a man. It really isn’t worth it tbh. They get bored so easily and hurt you in the worst way possible!
Comes a point when you have to realise you don’t have to be in one!
Studies have shown that marriage and long term relationships confer more benefits—and years of life—for men than women. So your instincts are largely correct.
When you find a good one, it won’t feel like work. Men are going to have to step up to the plate and learn to take care of their partner / not fall into a “boy” role of letting her do “mother” tasks like planning, shopping, cooking, washing dishes and laundry. Also one who has learned to give an amazing massage is a keeper!
I’m so happy that women are waking up and not ashamed of it. Congratulations to freedom, self love, and independence! 🥳
Marriage has destroyed more women than wars and natural disasters. Most relationships lasted because women kept forgiving disrespect.
We’re not doing that anymore.
History won’t repeat like that again.
Women are rushed into marriage young because society knows, the older we get, the sharper our minds, the clearer we see through the lies, and the less likely we are to settle for men, marriage, or oppression disguised as tradition.
@thealphawomenclub
A good boyfriend won’t make you work like you are describing.
Meanwhile, if you are a good GF you’ll expect the same
I feel the same! I also recognise there are many seasons to life. For now this is how I feel (and have felt for a while) but it may change later down the track (it’s also okay if it doesn’t).
I’ve always felt very performative in relationships and I’m tired tbh!
It’s a great time to learn about yourself, cultivate your friendships and enjoy hobbies. What a wonderful place to be as a young woman ❤️
I agree 💯
F almost 30 & feeling so much on this. Not sure about kids yet, figuring out whether I want it or not and what kind of relationship/ partnership I want to have in the future.
Read having it all by corinne low
Really really good and backed up by data
Yeah that’s why a lot of us are single by choice. Get a dog. Same thing but happier day to day results.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve never been in a relationship but in all the flings and dating I’ve done, it has always become so laborious and the time I spent investing in them takes away from the other great things I want to do. The idea of the constant communication and tending to their needs is exhausting. Especially how I feel like guys treat a lot of women as “options”, like if they are into someone, they won’t commit because they want to explore other opportunities too, ugh. So glad to be a woman ❤️🙏
Well, if you don’t want to then you don’t want to. Things change though and I don’t think it’s bad to learn to compromise, but that’s just me. Expecting new experiences to be like previous bad ones doesn’t sound healthy to me.
>it’s often felt like I had to take on a caregiving role (cooking, emotional support, etc.) with little to nothing in return. Right now, I mostly see drawbacks and not many real benefits to having a boyfriend.
If this is a common pattern, you might have attachment related issues. Were you parentified as a child?
When you are in a relationship with the right person, it doesn’t feel like a chore, at least in my experience. I feel like me and my ex both took care of each other. I agree with the compromising though. Not wanting to be in a relationship is completely fine though, you don’t need a partner to be fulfilled
I feel the same way.
A relationship should be work, but the man shouldn’t be work. Your description of being the carer to the man makes me think you haven’t met the right man. My man, who is not a cook, taught himself because I work more late evenings than him. Now he cooks 4 out of 5 weeknights. I can ask him to stop at the grocery store to buy ingredients of something I want to make on his way home. He runs the laundry, and I fold it. I pick up meds at the pharmacy when he is sick. It’s called a partnership, not a mother/child relationship.
100%, I was about to make a similar post yesterday but Reddit lagged so I didn’t. The things that I thought was “cute” or a “compliment” to how much they like me before my 30s, just isn’t anymore. I expect the guy I’m dating to have an emotional matureness the same as mine (not saying that I’m perfect, just that I’m done with mind games). When I was 27 and wild, my relationship also was (a lot of fun I must say). But now that I’m 35 I can’t with the insecure comments and the guy making up false narratives about me because he’s insecure. Clear, straight forward communication, no drama or I’m out. And it’s quite impossible to find. I’m not sure if I’m attracting/attracted to a certain type of guy and that’s why it’s so hard, I guess so, I’m just so happy being single. It’s wonderful!
“Having a boyfriend is embarrassing!”
Stay peaceful. Right there with you
I feel the same way which is why I prefer situationships with men. A lot of them are a lot of emotional and physical labor.
I like keeping them at a distance but close enough to get intimacy needs met.
I felt the same way until my boyfriend. We both don’t want children, he cooks and cleans, we both have really good jobs and a lot of friends and shared hobbies. We do stuff together all the time and are best friends. It doesn’t feel like a chore, sometimes life feels surreal because we fit so well and I didn’t think I could feel this way about anyone
I got divorced in 2019, Ive been happily solo since then. I made a lot of friends on the same path we all have fun and we care for each others. I dont see myself sharing my place with anyone
My last relationship felt like a chore. My current relationship has softened me and made me feel like an equal. He does the dishes, cleans the house etc. I don’t have to raise him and mother him. I plan on keeping him.
You are right to not need a relationship. At some point men stop wanting sex, usually around 60. Maybe some are interested but usually for a limited time because they want a nurse with a purse. Stay single, you will be better off.
Sounds like you just haven’t found the right one. The way you described your ex is terrible, seems like there was nothing redeeming about him. Date me instead. I cook and clean up after myself. You can leave me unattended with the windows down.
You do you. Personally I don’t see it the same way