I’ve been noticing something in my relationship that’s been bothering me, and I’m trying to figure out how to approach it in a healthy way.
My boyfriend treats me really well. He’s respectful, supportive, and often says things like “I’ve always wanted to be like you.” In general, he puts me on a pedestal and sees me in a very positive light.
The issue is how he talks about other women.
He tends to judge other women quite harshly, especially based on what they wear or how they present themselves. For example, he might make negative assumptions about a random woman wearing something revealing, but if I wear something similar (or even more extreme), he’ll compliment me and say I look great.
So it feels like he has two different standards:
One for me, where everything I do is seen positively
Another for other women, where similar behavior is judged negatively
What makes me uncomfortable is that instead of questioning his views, he seems to just make me an “exception” in his head. Almost like I don’t fall into the same category as other women.
We’ve talked about it a few times, but he doesn’t really understand why it bothers me. From his perspective, he treats me well, so he doesn’t see the issue.
For me, it feels less about how he treats me individually and more about the underlying mindset behind it. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal if it comes from putting other women down.
I’m not sure how to explain this in a way that actually gets through to him, or whether this is something that can realistically change over time.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you navigate this kind of disconnect in values?