My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I broke up two days ago. It was pretty mutual and is very amicable. He's taking his time moving out and we're just really good friends now. We love each other immensely but.. it just wasn't working.
But I feel numb. Maybe it's because a lot of shit has been going wrong lately, so heartbreak on top of it all is really hard to deal with.
We broke up because he's a recovering (1.5 years sober) alcoholic, and he has a lot to work through before he can show up fully in a relationship. I've tried for a long time to be okay with not being the first priority, but I was finding myself being less and less just to accommodate his lack of emotional regulation and unwillingness to have emotional intimacy. It was eating away at me. I've done a lot of work to get myself to a place where I actually have self-respect, and I had to choose myself. He understands completely, and expressed that staying sober is the most important thing, and he's not ready to go poking into his trauma to work through it for fear that it will result in a relapse. He thinks it's too early. I know he won't be truly healing until he does.. it's a lot of back and forth and was making us both miserable.
I just… love him. He understands parts of me no one else does. This is the hardest breakup I have ever been through.