TL;DR MY fiance thinks I'm too friendly and wants to feel more respected/desired sexually before showing me vulnerability. He is uncomfortable with me giving men so much attention ie talking too long, smiling too much with them, etc.
ex fiance (32 M) and I (28F) were together for 5 years. We broke up in October because I have a long history of making him feel disrespected (which I didn't look at as disrespect at the time). This is specific in the area of being too friendly with other men ad not making him feel wanted enough. I always told him he was overthinking it or defending my place instead of understanding/fixing it. I started therapy and learned a lot of abandonment and 'daddy issues' I have that seem to be at the root of my desire for external validation. I have expressed this to him.
My
Recently (after 2 months of no contact) he said he forgave me and himself for constantly taking me back though he always felt so hurt because I would dismiss him and he would like to get back together. In this reconciliation talk, he said to me he can't do anything that I want until he feels like this time things are different. I feel like I need SOMETHING as a woman to feel connected. To feel like there is some mutual desire or care for me because right now there is nothing from him. I never expected him to be perfect but to just show up in small ways until he feels comfortable too. And slowly we can possible get back. I have never even slept with someone who I didn't have strong feelings for so I find it difficult to wrap my head around doing that.
His desire in being wanted is sex.I view sex as a very emotional thing but he can't meet me all the way yet because he feels scared to trust me since there hasn't been change in the previous years. Part of me is understanding of his hurt because I put myself in his shoes but the other part feels this should be mutual after so much time we have been together. Part of me also feels I just simply have a friendly personality but maybe I did cross a line sometimes in our relationship where I shouldn't have been too nice or extensive convo with another man. I'd love some opinions on this.
Thanks so much!