Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because this situation is starting to affect me emotionally.
I (24F) got married 5 months ago to my husband (29M). We’re currently living with his family while waiting for my documents to be processed so I can properly settle and work here.
For context, I’m originally from a different country. Back there, I had a job and my own income. But after getting married and moving here, I had to stop working due to relocation and legal processes. Right now, I’m trying to stay productive by doing freelance work while waiting for my work pass.
Also, the currency difference between my home country and my husband’s country is quite significant, so financial planning and saving feel very important to me. Everything here is much more expensive from my perspective.
In the house, it’s my husband, his parents, and his brother. His brother is married, and both he and his wife are working. My parents-in-law are also working.
My husband is the eldest son.
Since before we got married, my husband has always contributed a significant amount financially to the household—covering bills, groceries, and other expenses. I genuinely respect him for that.
But in the past 2 months, we both agreed to reduce how much he gives monthly so we can start saving for our future as a married couple, things like housing, emergency funds, etc. This was a mutual decision, not something I pushed.
Since then, things have gotten uncomfortable.
My mother-in-law started making comments to him. Recently, she even sent him messages on WhatsApp, which my husband showed me. The messages said things like:
“Don’t listen too much to your wife.”
“She hasn’t worked here, she doesn’t understand life here.”
That really hurt me.
It feels like I’m being blamed for something I didn’t even initiate. I never told him to stop supporting his family, I just support his decision to balance things for our future too.
What makes it harder is that my husband is also upset. He feels unappreciated because all this time, he’s been the one consistently helping the family financially. despite the fact that everyone else in the household is also earning.
Now that he’s trying to think about his own future, it becomes an issue.
He’s clearly stressed being in the middle, and I can see it’s taking a toll on him.
Meanwhile, I feel like I’m being painted as the “outsider” who came in and changed everything, just because I’m not working yet and I’m still adjusting here.
I’ve been trying to stay respectful and quiet, but it’s emotionally exhausting to feel judged in a place that doesn’t fully feel like home yet.
How i handle this?