I (f30) make $31/hr and my boyfriend (38m) makes $45/hr. He wants to pay $600 a month and no utilities. He currently pays $800 to rent a room and he’s telling me he can’t afford $800. my rent is $2k. i’m worried if i agree to $600 it’ll never be equal. Are there anyways to try and make this equal or compromise or are we just incompatible ? He agreed to pay all the groceries but not utilities. He has an electric car and i’ve already noticed when he charges all day my electric bill will double those days but he doesn’t want to pay electricity bill at all.
tl;dr boyfriend wants to pay only $600 a month and nothing else even tho he makes more. i’m debating if i should compromise or call it quits.
Edit : i was already leaning towards ending the relationship but he loves to tell me im stubborn and don’t care about his finances. All of your comments have proved that this scenario is good reason to be “stubborn” especially when it comes to money. I’m going to end the relationship. I don’t want to be paying majority. i want partnership !
37 comments
Call it quits. I wonder what kind of debt he has.
Why are you fighting with an almost 40 year old over $200/mo living expense. Let him stay in his rented room.
Those are some pretty big red flags. He’s trying to tell who he is I’d listen to what he’s telling you and decide if you can spend the rest of your life dealing with someone who will always expect you to pay more
I guess if you want a 38 year old dependent who won’t do chores, invest in a shared space, and will always prioritize himself first, fill your boots, girl.
If he works 40 hours a week 600 is a third of one week’s paycheck. That is laughable that he thinks he cannot afford to pay more than that. If he can’t afford it at 45 an hour, why does he expect you to afford rent and utilities at 31 an hour?
Hard line in the sand on expenses. You both use the utilities, you both pay the utilities. And he should be paying for the electric he uses to charge his car.
I honestly feel like he should rent a room elsewhere.. i don’t think it will be fair to you if. he moves in paying $600 plus groceries a month. I’m sure he’ll understand your logical reasoning. Life is expensive and things cost money anywhere we go.
Why keep someone around that drags you down and wants you to subsidize their lifestyle? How long have you been together? It seems like he just wants to live with you as a benefit to himself and a burden to you. Why would you agree to it, what are the pros (that are above the pros you get while dating/living separate like him being a good guy and nice boyfriend)?
so he can’t afford like 40% of your rent making more money than you? girl run what? this man has debt out the ass
He is clearing about 2k every 2 weeks with that pay, if he can’t afford $800 a month than he’s either drowning in debt or awful with money.
Partners split bills. Generally fairly with a 50/50 split. Some couples split bills according to pay with the higher earning partner paying more. Other couples throw all their money into a joint account and then flow spending money to individual savings account accounts. Your guy doesn’t even want to do that.
He’s not looking for a partnership, he wants to use you. I would carefully evaluate the relationship before moving in together.
Are you that desperate for love?
He makes 45/hr and can’t afford 800$ he needs to learn some budgeting skills. (Assuming he works 40hrs a week.)
For reference, how long have you been dating?
So he makes nearly 30k more a year than you and he can’t afford half? He makes nearly 90k a year and can’t afford $800 on rent?
What in the world is he spending his money on?
Edit: OP says child support and a car, but the math still doesn’t add up. $1,100 monthly on child support should not be breaking the bank for someone in his income bracket.
He’s using you to pay for his expenses. Don’t settle for that. You know better. That’s why you’re here asking us this.
Drop him. Then when he changes his mind and agrees to 50/50, dont take him back cos you know you ain’t getting it he will go back on his word once hes in. Hes a loser who wants to use you, dont let him.
He wants a bang maid mommy with deep pockets. This has to be ragebait
Its 2026. If a man isnt treating you right toss him into the loneliness epidemic pit.
Ta ta
He pays his half or goes. Especially as a just a BF. Tell him you admire someone who is more than willing to make things equal, not someone who makes unilateral demands. Rent is $2k. He moves in he pays half rent and half utilities. Then he should also be able to maintain his own car and rent. If he can’t figure that out by 40 I feel bad for you. I’m saying this being 41 myself. I’d feel way too guilty making a partner pay more for me.
So you guys would both be paying rent? Like its not mortgage or anything where one of you guys is building equity?
Then yea split down the middle, maybe even more for him for electric if hes charging a car.
That’s wild. Where is his money going that he can’t afford it? When I was making less than you, I was contributing $1,100 a month toward our house, and that’s not counting the majority of day to day house needs.
This man is being very clear with you about his financial expectations. He expects you to pay the majority of your joint living expenses whilst earning 50% less than him.
Read that again.
And then again.
If you’re okay with that, have at it. Let him move in.
Oh hell no, what are you doing sis? If this loser can’t pay half of ALL the bills he can find somewhere else to live. I’m not sure I would let him move in anyway after the little tantrum he is throwing nickel and diming you. Tell him to forget it, if he can’t pay half of everything he can find somewhere else to life and someone else to date for that matter.
Nah he’s using you. If you decide to live with him, you have an attorney draft up a living arrange arrangement agreement. You both sign it with a notary. It lifts out exactly what he has to pay each month and it holds him to it. I fear if he moves in he will just not pay anything or he he’ll definitely pay less than what he’s agreed to. It will be hard to get rid of him. If you have the agreement, it is easier to evict him.
This seriously makes no sense.
Add up all your bills, include an increase on your electricity because I’m charging the car, and split that number in half
“CJ, if you want to move in, the estimated monthly amount will be “this”.
No bartering, no negotiation, nothing.
…. You know he is going to try, but you simply saying in response to all of his ranting and raving and negotiating…
“half of the monthly expenses is $”….. and actually if we were going to divide this fairly by income… You would be paying slightly more
You need to update this with the fact that he’s paying $1100 a month in child support AND clear up how many kids that’s for because the math ain’t mathing there.
Break up with him he’s trying to use you for money
This would be wild without the electric car.
Has an electric car and won’t pay utilities? Girl stop.
My bf makes less than half what yours makes and can afford 1000$ rent.
Your bf is either terrible with finances (NEVER move in with someone who’s terrible with finances) or trying to abuse you financially.
He should be ashamed. Dump him
How can he not afford $800 a month in rent? He sounds like he has financial issues, that should be your red flag. He doesn’t have control of his finances
In a healthy relationship it should always be a 50 50 split, even if he earns a little more. I honestly think he wants to move in with you to save money.
He makes more than you so he should actually be paying more to be equitable. 50/50 at the very least. I would not do this.
What makes him think you can afford to take on an adult dependent?
Girl……he can stay where he is renting, and you stayed in your own place, paying your own bills, don’t let him move in, you will be back here with something else about his selfish ass, he wants someone to take care of him while he does what he wants with his money
What do you need him for, is $60]-$800 that important that you want to deal with his horseshit? He’s whispering dirty words to 40, and does not want to pay for his own life…
You can absolutely do better
That man is damn near 40. Let him stay right where tf he’s at
Honestly if you were considering ending things anyway go for it. He wants to live with you and only pay 25% of your rent? No. Y’all don’t seem compatible anyway. Also someone who makes $45/hour can’t afford $800 for rent sounds like he’s not the most financially responsible person anyway.
$45/hr is $93k/year at 40 hours/week/
What does he say when you confront him about why he can’t afford $800/mo on a $90k salary?