TLDR: I love my boyfriend but he is mad that I thought he was mad…should I stick up for myself?
My (25f) have been with my boyfriend (30m) for almost 2 years. We’ve talked about getting married and we live together. I love him but he gets very frustrated when I think he’s upset when he says he’s not. That’s basically the only time we get into fights.
For example, we got into a fight because he said he was stressed about starting a new job and I said don’t be stressed you’re a great worker and even if you aren’t good, a job doesn’t define you. He got upset with my comment about not being good at his job and I tried to explain what I meant and said I didn’t mean to make you mad and he got mad that I thought he was mad.
This has happened many times where he has gotten mad that I thought he was mad when he said he wasn’t.
This last fight I had told him that I was just going off his tone of voice and body language that seemed like he was mad. In my opinion, he had been a total jerk about it and said things like “if you would’ve just shut up everything would’ve been fine” and he even tried to explain the argument using objects so I can “understand” to explain like I was five years old and when I got annoyed with him talking to me like I’m stupid, he threw the objects and said he shouldn’t have even tried.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I feel like I should be able to explain that I feel like he seems mad without setting him off. I want to be with him, but when he gets angry and says means things to me, I don’t know if I should take it or not.
I understand feeling annoyed when you’re not mad and someone thinks you are, but when your body language is telling me you’re mad, I’m gonna think you’re mad.
How else should I react to this instead of anger myself? Or should I stick up for myself and not let him be a jerk to me?