My (26F) boyfriend (27M) mentioned to me today that he wanted to talk. He said that he has noticed that I’m kinda not his usual type and that the physical attraction he feels towards me is not as strong as it used to be. We’ve been together for a year now and are looking at apartments together. He has moved in with me a while ago but we want a bigger place.
When we’re intimate, we are very silly and goofy and we figured out we cover many things up by making jokes which takes away a large part of the intimacy leading to us being less intimate. On top of that, we have family stress and apartment searching stress as well as me being in pretty depressive phase right now. So in result I’m not so inclined toward sex and I told him.
Well today he wanted to talk about it. I thought it was going to be a talk about how we can improve our intimacy and maybe work on things. Then he started off the convo with that he hasn’t felt that physically attracted to me lately and that he has a type which I don’t fit. He also mentioned that when he sees his type, he feels that physical attraction strongly and mentioned multiple times that it’s not like he doesn’t find me attractive at all, it’s just … less. That threw me off quite a lot I didn’t know what to say. He says he loves me very much and he sees long term compatibility with me, wants to move into a bigger place together and overall he finds the relationship with me perfect character wise. He doesn’t want to lose me and breaking up over this would be stupid cause everything else is amazing. He makes me compliments, gifts me flowers, is overall very attentive and loving.
Ngl I took a huge hit to my self esteem. I know the girls he dated before were all smaller and petite. I’m more on the curvier side. Now I can’t help but spiral into “he doesn’t find me attractive at all, if he found his perfect type, he would leave me”. On top of all he mentioned fantasies about sexual encounters with others. I asked him if he thinks an open relationship is a solution and he said he could imagine it.
I don’t know what to say or think or do. I love this man so much. This is an amazing relationship and throwing it away over intimacy issues would be incredibly sad. We discussed toning the silly and goofy act down in the bedroom and generally be intentional about touching certain areas and not just do it for fun.
But deep down, that attraction comment hurt. I’m not sure how to recover from it. He said, when we started dating he found me attractive and all but didn’t feel super lustful. He has no issue getting it up with me or reaching climax. I guess it’s just missing that deep felt attraction.
I don’t know how to recover from this and move forward. At the same time, I’m upset this is coming up now when we’re looking for places live together.
After our talk, he also started crying a lot, mentioning that he doesn’t want to hurt or lose me but that he doesn’t really know what’s the best move forward and that he’s afraid. I’ve just felt numb since then. I can’t sleep or eat and I start shaking uncontrollably.
TL;DR: Bf says he’s not as attracted physically as before, loves me very much still and wanted to share. I’m not coping well, unsure what to do about it.