my friend is spiralling so thought I’d come here for advice.

She’s had a crush on this guy for over a year now but never pursued him. We were on a night out a week ago when she saw him but again was too shy. His friend then approached her, she tried to reject him but he was persistent. We ended up hanging out in a group for most of the evening. This guy was buying us all drinks and shots.

Long story short he ended up going back to my friends house (they were drunk) agreeing it was to watch a movie. He stayed over & in the morning they slept together. She said she was super hungover, tired & wasn’t even thinking. It was quick, less than a minute as she stopped it. She immediately regretted it. Both her & this guy have agreed there’s no feelings on either end & it was just a fun night nothing more. She told him she liked his friend & he said he wouldn’t care if she pursued him . But now she’s worried she’s ruined her chance with the guy she likes over one drunken night.

I personally don’t think it’s that deep. It was a drunken one night stand. It happens. But if it had been a relationship or a long term casual I’d draw the line & never date someone who’s been with a Friend in that way.


47 comments

  2. Wow that’s worse than murder!
    But really who gives a fuck?
    To answer your question, yes I would and wouldn’t care at all. Less my friend had issues with me dating them?

  3. Ehhhhhhhh as a general rule this wouldn’t matter much to me but that’s because it’s ***very*** situational.

    In this situation I wouldn’t want to date that person, not because she slept with my friend but because her decision making seems… flawed?

    It sounds like (going off your telling of it) she just kind of gave in to this guy she wasn’t interested in because the guy she actually liked wasn’t giving her attention and now she regrets it? Does that sound accurate?

    That just sounds like someone who sucks at making decisions to me, and that’s unattractive.

    I also don’t want to come off too judgy – I’ve made tons of shit decisions before myself, including having sex with people I shouldn’t have, but then I took my licks for it and moved on. Lesson learned, hopefully, in this case for her.

  11. ruin the chance she never had….? like she’s had a crush on him for over a year and done nothing about it…what chance even existed? lol. he’s the only one who can decide. POGOTP imo.

    if a guy slept with a good friend, i probably wouldnt be able to see him the same way. but thats just me! also lol at starting to sleep together and then stopping after a minute….like yall arent grown adults and dont know what you’re doing?? cmon. she didnt sleep with him when she was peak drunk but started to have sex with him in the am after she was more sober? idgaf if she slept with someone but like lets bffr lol. it gives trying to paint it in a better light bc shes embarassed of what she did. anyways tell your friend to tell this guy she likes him

  12. But now she’s worried she’s ruined her chance with the guy she likes over one drunken night.

    yeh damn, its ruined, sad how easily she fell for the charms of the player, the main guy will never look at her the same, she revealed herself and its ugly…

  13. Sorry to your friend, but no. Not only is it starting things off messy, but I don’t want to date someone knowing they would hook up with my friends – much less that they already have.

  18. No
    I dont fuck girls after my friends. Doesn’t matter 1 minute or 3 hours.
    They fucked
    End of story

  19. Not a chance

    It’s absolutely due to the ick factor, respecting your friendship and just straight up ego. Some men might be okay with it, more might be open to being casual with her only but not seeing a relationship with her after the fact. For me it’s neither. Can’t make myself do it. Hope she gets what she wants but also to be open to accepting and understanding if nothing comes from it.

  20. Nahhhhhhh

    I’d only date a woman my friend briefly dated, maybe went out on 1 to several dates, did as much as kissing but if they had sex? Nah that’s a no for me dawg

  21. Dated a friend’s ex girlfriend once, but they had been broken up for a few years and he was dead. Still caused problems and would not do it again.

  22. Absolutely not, but I’ve seen it happen with other friends.

    But mostly I’d think of my friend anytime I’d imagine touching the girl, which would be an immediate ick. I also don’t think you realize how competitive guys are – his friend would forever have that “over” him. Not worth it.

  25. Wouldn’t rule it out. I think the time proximity is awkward though.

    Contrast:

    “I like you. I did once sleep with your friend, we stopped and it meant nothing, and it’s all in the past.”

    with

    “I like you and I just slept with your friend though I had a growing crush on you.”

  27. If it was a drunken one night stand years ago, probably not.

    If it was a drunken one night stand recently and she’s actively pursuing this other guy, yeah it might be a problem

  29. TLDR

    as a response to the original question. No i wouldnt try and date someone a homie had a one night stand with. I dont need to be where my homie has been.

  30. Yeah definitely no, I don’t think i could be with someone who slept with my friend. That idea would be in my head and the idea my friend saw my gf naked…. hard pass for me

  33. This sounds situational and it really depends on him and everyone’s boundaries but personally, no. It’s just drama waiting to happen, I’ve dated a girl my old friend dated, he even introduced up and set us up. Long story short I say old friend because we all had to go our separate ways there was a lot of drama and that friend was always in the shadow of our relationship so it never really went anywhere when we finally did get together. What I think really blew her chance is never making a move or acting on her feelings.

  34. I wouldn’t date someone who lacks the self respect to have a one night stand in the first place😂

  36. With all the other context in the comments I might believe her but I think I’d find it hard to trust her. What if we’re dating and then she’s out at a bar and makes a new “friend” who suggests going back to watch a movie and she’s drunk again? I’d always be worried about this.

  37. honestly depends on the friend. if its my best friend absolutely not thats weird. if its someone in my wider friend group and it was a one time thing years ago then who cares. life is too short to gatekeep people nobody is even dating anymore

  39. Especially in the manner in in which it happened I would never talk to your friend. Very trashy imo. He could feel differently but I think like 70% of men would agree with me and be insulted by the notion.

  40. I personally think it’s situational. If she’d slept with my friend multiple times or feelings had been involved then yes. One drunk time (and based off this story) I wouldn’t be. I’m talking as a woman. I think when you’re adults it doesn’t have to he made to be anything major. It sounds complicated with his friend pushing boundaries but potentially she could play it off like she didn’t have the crush but just saw him and likes him when she does talk to her crush. But I’d wait a few months before making any moves. If his friend said he didn’t care about her pursuing her friend I don’t think it’s that serious. But if he does reject her because of it it’s also not serious, it’s a crush. She doesn’t know him and he may not even be that great either.

  43. Is it a little awkward? Yes. Is it terrible? No. I wouldn’t care personally. If I genuinely like someone and it’s a great connection I would care much less about who and a lot more about the safety of the sex (practicing safe sex or not) but that’s actually with EVERYONE and not just someone that hooked up with a friend. People here are so rigid, it’s just a one night stand. It’s not like they were intimate lovers for years and years and she had her sight set on him the whole time or something.

  44. _recently_? no

    I did date someone a friend previously dated but they dated for a short time about 2 years before I met either of them (and the friend suggested I date her, their breakup was friendly). But that was ancient history.

  45. Personally, no. It would feel pretty awkward hanging out with my friend knowing he’s hooked up with my current partner. It feels a bit weird knowing that someone liked me, chose not to do anything about it, slept with my friend instead, and then tried to pursue something with me after.

  46. I feel like you asked for opinions but then are rejecting most of the ones you do t like the answer to. Are you sure this friend isn’t you? As a guy who’s very sex positive and think sex can be just that. Fun. I’d still pass on her

  47. No I wouldn’t. There’s a code. She did ruin her chances with the guy she has a crush on. To him, she’s just some chick his friend had a one night stand with, whatever attraction there might have been was all in her head.

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