For context I'm a straight male in my mid-20s who has never been in a relationship, dated, had sex, etc (and for a laundry list of reasons I probably never will have them).
Relatively regularly I will go through periods of feeling lonely and down over having missed out on experiences nearly everyone else my age has had. However, I've struggled to determine if it's a genuine desire to do these or the result of a combination of external pressure (from society at-large and from people I know), coupled with an ego-driven desire for validation that I'm not a completely undesirable loser.
The reasons I think it might be the latter are:
– I've never been able to form close relationships with anyone. I've never had close friends, only situational friends and acquaintances (and not very many at that), and I've always felt like an outsider even in my family.
– I've never met a woman who I connect with, have chemistry with, or have anything in common with, even on a platonic level (never had a female friend). In the past I've only ever been attracted to women on a physical level.
– I dislike meeting new people. Given that dating is all about meeting new people I doubt I'd find it enjoyable.
– I'm too stubborn to effect significant change to either my environment or my personality. Since nothing has happened by now in my current state I doubt it ever will.
Had anyone had any advice in resolving similar internal contradictions? I think it's more likely that I somehow accept being single forever as I'm never going to go through the magnitude of change required to ever have a dating life or a relationship.
4 comments
Wow im the same exact way. F23. Hopefully I find some answers
I can speak as a 36-year-old male. I had platonic relationships in the past. Though, not one relationship has turned into dating during my college years because I had to seek what I am about both socially and professionally. Now, I crave connections as a heterosexual male. Not just any connection, but a connection that both myself and my future partner can define in a way that we can make it work. OP, I get what you are saying.
Those things in your list would effect you finding someone. It really sounds like you want to find someone, you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone. Problems that supposed to be people have. They want someone to come to them rather than the other way around. If dating is something you want to do, you have to get outside of your comfort zone.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life. I think it’s something common these days in general, or maybe just on this reddit.
I believe this is what midlife crisis feels like. It’s just that people are experiencing it much earlier than what was normal 10 years ago. Everybody goes through it. Also, reels, social media, and even mainstream movies and tv shows are just kerosene fuel to this fire. Personally, the farther I stay from any “content” on the internet, the happier and statisfied I feel.
Do not consume content these days, even if it’s true. It’s just to get you hooked to the internet so that the other person makes money while you feel miserable in your life, unable to figure out the solution to your midlife crisis.