I am a waiter in London. I work at a place that gets loads of American tourists. I find people from the US ask my name, and then use it when they ask for stuff or say thanks. I think this is really sweet – it’s nice to be called by my name.
It’s not a massive part of the restaurant culture in Europe. I never know if I should just say my name or ask them for their name, too?
49 comments
That would be extremely weird.
You absolutely can if you want!
Absolutely ask their name and then use it when you are serving them. It’s a great way to make the customer have a better experience.
Many would find it weird, maybe even take it as you finding it offensive that you asked for their name.
Well, they need to ask things of you while you really don’t need to ask anything of them. So…no.
Probably not. They may just be used to American servers offering their name as they come to greet a table. Usually the server does not know the name of the customers.
I would say generally no, as they’re asking for the reasons you already mentioned but it isn’t the same as a more social meeting where you’re both asking about each other
I would not. If they wish to be that social they can offer their name. Most people I don’t think would.
Often a waiter in the US will introduce themselves with their name and/or be wearing a name tag.
They would never ask for the customers name though, so no you should not.
I don’t expect staff to ask for my name here (midwest). Most of the places I go to, the waiter introduces themselves when they first approach the table, “Hi, I’m Amy, and I’ll be taking care of you today. Can I get you something to drink?”. Otherwise, some places have them wear name tags. I like to call them by their names, but for them to ask me for mine would be odd.
In the US, waiters usually introduce themselves (“I’m Steve and I’ll be your waiter tonight. Can I get you started with something from the bar?”)
It’s not reciprocal – the guests at the table don’t introduce themselves to the waiter.
I wouldn’t ask. A very friendly person might just volunteer it but there’s no reason for you to know their name. They just need your name to get your attention if they need something.
In America usually the waiter introduces themselves at the start. “Hi I’m John I’ll be taking care of you tonight”
Typically no. It’s normal in the states for a staff member to give their name, but unusual for customers to give theirs.
Interesting. It’s common for a watier to tell customers their name, both to personalize the interaction and to allow them to know who to ask for if they need something, but I’ve never gone somewhere and asked the staff their name if they didn’t volunteer it.
To answer your question, no, Americans don’t typically offer their own names to the waitperson, so I wouldn’t ask them.
….. what do non-Us tourists call you? Do they say “waiter!!” ?????
It’s part of the song/dance of American dining culture for the server (At sit down restaurants) to introduce themselves.
i.e “Hi. I’m <name> and I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with anything to drink?”
I never remember the person’s name unless it’s something interesting like “Computer Blue”.
I would say it varies. My friendly midwestern self would absolutely love it if you asked my name in return, but I get that it may not be a universal rule. If they are asking for yours, i’d say its more likely than not that they would appreciate it if you asked in return.
I would not ask their name unless you have a very specific reason to ask. It would be very weird to just ask for theirs after they ask for yours, because you’re not expected to call them by name.
The only reason I would say it’s OK to ask their name is if you’ve gotten very friendly, and they are wanting to interact with you outside of your work. Like if they invited you out on a date or something.
It’s really not typical for that to be a two-way dynamic, unless you really have a truly exceptional vibe with them.
Them knowing your name is both personable and practical, as they want to be able to get your attention as needed. But you don’t have that need yourself, as the server. You’d just walk up to them.
Asking for their name back would be slightly unusual, but not offensive. You can, but definitely don’t need to.
No. People saying yes are nuts. If they want to trade names, they’ll give you their name. They probably just don’t want to call out “hey you!” Which is why some places have name tags. Asking for their name back makes you sound like a smart ass IMO.
Generally we are told our waiters names when they are serving us, but we generally don’t give them ours.
It is probably fine if you do but would not be expected in that context.
You can say “My name is PestoWesto, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
If they pay by card or show ID to drink you can peek at the name and make a mental note if you want to use theirs in a similar way to how they use yours. Some servers in the US do that.
No, because in your role you don’t need to address them that personally. I would ask what your name is because addressing you as “waiter” feels rude.
That would be strange and unusual. I’ve never had a server asked for my name, and I think I’d be taken aback by that a little.
It’s pretty common in restaurant culture in the US for a server to introduce themselves by name. It’s not universal, but it’s pretty common. I think it ties to tipping culture and the desire to be as friendly as possible.
At most American restaurants, the server will introduce themselves with something like “Good afternoon, my name is _______ and I’ll be taking care of you today. Is this your first time dining with us?” and then they’ll follow up with “did you have any questions about the menu, or would you like to go ahead and order some drinks and appetizers?”
I’d say you’d be better off asking them where they’re from than their name. You could also ask if it’s their first time in London, what sights they’ve seen so far, etc. They’ll probably be excited to tell you they went to the Tower this morning, they have tickets in the West End tonight, and tomorrow they’re taking a day trip to Stone Henge, etc.
Probably no. The script tends to be ‘ hey folks my name is x and I’ll be your server this evening. Here are your menus, I’ll be right back to get you drink order “
No. It’d be odd, they want to know your name because they request and thank you for things. Harmless, yes, but I could imagine some people thinking you are attempting to make a move on them depending on the context (which is a conclusion you have to jump to, but it’s just where some people would go with it).
In the US the first thing a server says is their name. “I’m ___, I’ll be your server tonight”. Then we call them by their names when we need to talk to them. That’s why people are asking. Anyone who says “hey waitress” sounds like an asshole. There’s no reason in this situation for the server to know the customers name. It would indeed be kinda weird if you asked.
You should always greet guests and introduce yourself IMO.
No
In American restaurants the server says their name so maybe they’re used to that
No, you could, but generally the “rap” a server comes to the table with goes something like “welcome in, my name is PestoWesto and I’ll be taking care of you today” followed by some variety of “can I get you started with a beverage?”, “Let me tell you about the specials”, or really whatever you like. Very rarely do you get a server who gets really personal unless the patron initiates introducing themselves.
The movie Waiting with Ryan Reynolds is fairly accurate to American restaurants.
In the states the servers usually introduce themselves when they first come to the table.
It’s rare to be asked as a customer, but it happens, and it makes you come off as intentionally friendly, at worst like you’re trying to earn a good tip, which would be deceptive, but expected. If you don’t have tips, and I was asked by a European waiter, I’d think you just liked Americans or something.
It would only be rude to a snobby or uptight American.
you can, but its not expected. its common in restaurants in America for two reasons, first one being that people just like to make a personal connection with their servers, they consider it a part of the whole “restaurant experience” second reason is that if they need some attention and they cant find you they can get one of your coworkers and tell them that pestowesto is their server and they need more ketchup or their check or something.
In the US, servers approach the table with “Hi, I’m X” and even wear a name tag in some places. At the end of the meal they’ll also sometimes write something nice on the receipt and sign their name. It helps to establish a personal connection since servers here mainly work for tips and the closer you feel to them the more likely you are to tip well. They rarely ask our name in return, although a bartender may. Again, as a way to establish a connection. If the customer asks your name, I don’t think they expect you to ask for theirs in return, but I also don’t think it would be weird if you do.
In the US, servers in many restaurants are encouraged to give their name to guests but they do NOT typically then ask for the names of the guests in return. In many establishments, the server starts out with something like “Welcome to Outback, my name is Amanda and I’ll be taking care of you today”, but this is less common in high end/expensive restaurants. I think it would be really hard to try to remember the names of guests so I really wouldn’t bother, and some people might think it’s odd.
Definitely don’t do that. If a server asked my name in return, it would come off very snarky. As a guest, you know where I’m seated. You don’t ever need to call me by name. I ask yours because it’s more respectful than, “Hey, you!” or snapping or whatever rude people do to catch the server’s attention.
Generally, they would start with…..Hello I am XXXX, so you can return the introduction, but if they are just specifically asking you your name, I am sure they would appreciate the request back.
You can also feel free to ignore their name to call them honey, sugar, sweets, baby, or the shortened versions of hun, sug, etc., depending on if they’re a man, woman, or child. It’s absolutely hilarious to see people get annoyed by such common US Southern genteelity
Went to a restaurant in Paris (France, not Texas!) with friends and halfway through the meal my gregarious friend realized that he didn’t know the name of our female server. No introduction, no name tag. He stated he was determined to find out what her name was…
I, inwardly cringing, waited to see how that would go.
The next time she came to our table, my friend said “I realized I don’t know your name.”
The server looked him right in the eye and said, in perfect Enlglish, “If I told you I would have to kill you.” Then walked away.
Best response ever!
For the rest of the meal she would be smiling as she served us. I loved it.
…and he never found out what her name was.
No cuz then they might expect you to remember it, and that could be challenging during a long busy week.
No the sharing of names only goes one way, it would be weird to ask the diner their name too. Typically here waiters begin with saying, “hi, I’m Amy I’ll be your waiter tonight.”
You definitely can! But it’s not expected.
In the U.S. (at least in my region), it is pretty normal for us to know the server’s name and use that when making requests, saying thank you, etc. It feels more respectful than just like… idk, shouting “¡GARÇON!” lol.
I don’t usually give my own name to the server but have def been asked before and didn’t think it was weird. Just especially friendly, which is *usually* a plus.
I don’t think you can really go wrong, though, especially since tourists already know they’re outside their own culture.
P.S. It’s so nice to hear you call us sweet 🥹 we get so much hate for being “fake,” but we really are just a jovial lot!
One time our server, a 20-something woman, introduced herself, squatted down with her arms on the table, then asked me and my sons our names, all around the table. It was really awkward, not friendly, just weird.
Reciting our names as if we were kids in school. Nope. Just nope.
You could, it’ll probably get you a tip, we Americans are use to that… Besides it’s a neat thing to go back to the US with a story, we met so and so our waiter/waitress real nice person.
Thank you for sharing something nice about Americans abroad. I really needed to see that today.
Other places don’t do this?