How did you manage the grief over your relationship/marriage ending?
April 1, 2026
Even if you may have played a role in the breakdown of it?
44 comments
[removed]
I took a 3 week trip across France without ever knowing where I was going to end up or sleep.
Not very well. Just trying to make it through
Feel it all. Therapy. Gym. Spending time with family & friends. Putting all the energy I would’ve put into that relationship, into myself instead. Still managing the grief, one day at a time.
It took time but ultimately I knew I made the right decision by walking away both times.
I’m not proud of it, but I cheated. That was the final push that ended the marriage. At the same time, it wasn’t something that came out of nowhere, there were years of mistrust and hurt on both sides. My ex had cheated on me about three years before everything ended, and I don’t think we ever really repaired things after that.
The grief has been complicated. There’s guilt for my part in how it ended, but also a sense of clarity that the relationship had been broken for a long time. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that both things can be true.
What’s helped me cope has been therapy and going back to school; basically trying to focus on growth instead of just sitting in regret. Some days are harder than others, and I still find myself wishing it had ended sooner instead of dragging out the inevitable.
I think a big part of it has been learning to take responsibility without completely defining myself by my worst decision, and trying to understand how I got there so I don’t repeat it.
Grief? I grieved enough during the marriage, I only felt relief in leaving. Love him to death platonically but its better we don’t live together.
I’m in the thick of it myself. For me, grief comes in waves. I try to stay composed, but I tend to manage it internally which leads to me quieting myself – probably not the best thing?! I have chosen survival instead of collapse. I realize that this way of dealing is not for everyone. But here i am, still standing – Today anyway. My best advise? Surround you with “ride or die” friends and family. They should know you best and be able to “carry you in the moments you cannot stand because of the heartache.”
Good luck for your journey to healing!
To be honest, it’s 2 years out from our divorce being finalized and I am still grieving the loss of my marriage and nuclear family. I’m the one who filed but it’s because I was offering solutions to our problems that he wouldn’t meet me in the middle on so it was either continue to live a life where I was crying every night and being a married single mom or get divorced and try to rebuild. So I chose to divorce him. I’ve dated since the divorce was finalized and I just never developed the same feelings for any of those men as I had for my ex husband. This year also would’ve been our 10 year wedding anniversary, so all of that just hit me like a ton of bricks. He also has a new partner that he prematurely introduced to our kids in direct violation of the custody order, so I’ve had a very hard time with that, too.
Therapy, made a lot of plans with friends, got back into hobbies I’d neglected/explored new ones
I’m 4 weeks out from a relationship where I wasn’t treated well. I just switched from the anger stage of grief to depression. It sucks. Focusing on myself and my mental health. Getting to the gym. Trying to listen to music. Reminding myself what makes me happy.
I’m just trying to get through this part. There’s no avoiding it, just got to survive it. They say everyday gets a little easier but I’m not feeling that yet.
2 years of therapy and amazing friends.
My marriage was easy to get over because we had exhausted that after many years of being unhappy.
My hardest breakup. I watched Eat Pray Love and booked a trip to Bali. Then found a rebound when I got back home from that trip.
When I was widowed, I discovered The Grief Recovery Handbook by Russell and Friedman. It helped me approach grief as a necessary, but temporary, state.
Since then I have seen friends use it for the grief from divorce, parents deaths, and one even after the loss of a pet. All have found it refreshingly honest and helpful.
Everytime I thought of the good memories or his affection, presence, etc. I would follow it up with a negative trait and dealbreakers that were there. Quickest way to stop grieving someone is to realize that you can do better, there’s millions of potential matches and people who will actually want to be with me not just settle just cause. I wasn’t perfect so owning my mistakes and also putting my everything into being the right person for the next and hopefully final one is the way to go for me. My last relationship was probably one of the best I had so far but it was the easiest to move on from and accept the reality because of the steps I followed, otherwise I’d be crashing out tbh.
I got on Meetup and got *very* social, having been a shut-in most of my marriage. I started doing things I enjoyed, with other people, in non-romantic, low pressure contexts. After a while, it felt amazing.
We all need a good cry at home sometimes. I had mornings where I woke up alone and it hit me again that he was gone and I was never going to wake up with him in my bed again, and I cried and cried and cried.
But in the long run, being alone with your grief is the worst thing for it. Putting myself around other people as much as possible helped me the most.
My (ex) husband left me for an affair partner after 19 years together. It was sudden, unexpected. I will not lie…. The darkest days of my life followed. I didn’t eat. Didn’t do basic care. Ultimately attempted suicide.
Now, 3 years later, I’m doing well. I have a job I love, apartment I love, in a new city. My mood is still a struggle but… life gets better. You’re a whole and worthy person.
I’m in a 10 year marriage now but I was in a previous long term relationship for 5 years.
I went to therapy. I had to so I could learn to love myself.
Started socializing again. Made friends, flirted with some guys. I had to block him on all social media and go full no contact.
Terribly. I tried to protect myself and give him every opportunity to make it right. To prioritize us and our new child. He just screwed it up even more. I’m a better person and a better parent without that slag weighing me down.
[removed]
Letting myself go through all the feelings. 💔 It was hard to accept that it was truly over. Then selling the house, moving out, starting over, and trying to find myself again. I went to therapy, and that helped me to see the reality; this was a relationship that broke down over the years, and we were not good for each other.
I will tell you that the relationship after my divorce hurt a lot more. I fell in love fast and poured my heart into him completely.
The grief after that was horrible and I cried A LOT. I leaned on my family & friends for support. Tried to stay busy. Tried my best to keep going out and doing things…
Unfortunately, it just takes time for your nervous system to reset (if things ended badly like you didn’t get any explanation or closure). Time for you to realize that wasn’t your person, and to take what you’ve learned from the experience.
I realized that the person I missed was a fiction. A character I believed paired with a lie he couldn’t maintain anymore. That person never existed. It was a mask and my own imagination.
I did my grieving during the relationship. When I ended it I was sad, but felt immense relief.
i give myself one week to just lay in bed, cry, not eat, not shower, not take care of myself, just one week to completely grieve and be sad, then i get into self care mode and force myself to start moving on. i also find normally a one night stand with someone else helps lol, just remind myself that other people exist and sex still exists
I didn’t experience grief over it ending, as it had long been an amicable and entirely platonic companionship by the time we officially split and we remained really good friends. Nothing weird, nothing awkward, no lingering feelings… we just felt like friends and family. We don’t even really have compatible orientations (I’m bisexual, my ex is asexual) and it just wasn’t the right match.
What I *didn’t* expect at all was the intense grief when he moved back to the US. I’m in Canada and he went to university here before we even knew each other, and save for a stint between 2008 and 2010 when he was working in Boston (and summers at his dad’s back in western Massachusetts when he was still in school), he’d lived in one part of Canada or another since 2004 and was here until 2024. So that’s the part that really hit me hard. I’m remarried to someone who’s a much better match for a relationship (and the two of them get on just fine), my ex is happiest not having a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone at all… but it really sucks not having my friend nearby anymore. So while I didn’t grieve the end of the marriage whatsoever, after about a year and a half I’m still grieving the distance and not being able to just hang out a bit whenever we feel like it.
Not quite what you asked I guess, but definitely grief I didn’t expect to feel in relation to what was once a marriage, over six years after we split.
Stayed single for three years, focusing on raising my son (who was a toddler at the time) and going to therapy to become a better person.
I was doing all the housework and parenting work, being woken up and coerced into sex, and constantly annoyed with my husband’s poor hygiene and lack of emotional support.
I couldn’t hold it together anymore, and thought that was 100% my fault, along with the destruction of our family.
Therapy helped me see that I had my culpability, I definitely could have communicated better, but he broke his end of the agreement!
Anyway, both the therapy and the single time helped, and I’ve been in a happy relationship for the last 14 years (married for seven of those).
I didn’t feel any grief. Just relief.
One relationship took me four years to get over. I allowed myself to wallow a bit. Imagined him coming back and telling me how much he missed me. (He did, three months later. Invited me skiing for the weekend and dumped me again on Sunday.) He kept circling back. When I finally realized that I was worth more than being his back-burner relationship insurance I moved on. I never allowed myself to be anyone’s second choice or “just in case I can’t find someone better” ever again. I have been divorced twice since then and felt grief in the relationship, but not when it ended.
Not well at all. I’ve been off work on disability leave for almost two years due to the grief triggering major depression after splitting with my partner of 15 years who struggles with addictions. I didn’t want to walk away but I could no longer watch them self destruct. I was hoping once they were in recovery we’d have the chance to build something healthy, but they don’t want that. I still love them deeply and it’s devastating. I left my marriage to be with them. They helped raise my kids so I’m grieving the loss of that family as I knew it, as well. I’m on antidepressants and have a wonderful therapist and attend Alanon and have the support of family and friends, yet I can barely do anything. Even bathing or going for a five-minute walk is usually so hard. I’m seeing a different shrink for a second opinion and really hoping they’ll suggest something new to try. It’s very discouraging. I so want to turn things around. Hopefully I will (I’ll definitely be reading this thread!) and then I’ll have more positivity to share. ❤️
I looked at all the ways my world opened up after i got rid of him. I’m in a time of abundance and I don’t regret letting him go at all.
I had a good old fashioned nervous breakdown, I was a complete emotional mess. Had a bit of therapy, not enough but all I could afford and it helped get me through the worst. Time did the rest.
Tried to become lesbian for two years, realized I was bi. Got underneath anyone to get over my ex. Did lots of drugs, worked at a strip club. Went through manic sexual episodes. Attempted Suicide. Tried religion. Realized I’m atheist. Joined the Satanic Temple. Started therapy. Started new meds. Started loving myself. Became happy.
I want to add that grieving someone you love and want in your life who is still alive and they want nothing to do with you is a special kind of hell. 💔
I just let myself feel it when I had time to do so. I’d cry, write, rage, masturbate, cry some more.
I’m coming up on year 2 and it’s getting easier. I was the one that left.
Divorce is hard but you need to let yourself grieve and not constantly find distractions.
Therapy and knowing that I couldn’t completely fall apart because my kids needed me. I just took one day at a time. It was very hard. It’s been more than ten years and there are still moments when the sadness of it all still hits me. I also learned about self-compassion and forgave myself. Look up the books by Dr. Kristin Neff. She actually had a personal experience with a relationship that you might relate to.
Slept around and cried myself to sleep. It took 4 years.
I’m still trying to manage it. It’s rough out here 🙃
taking the time to process and feel / grieve, therapy twice a week, and a lot of prozac. I’m about 8 months out and can’t believe how far I’ve come.
There was no grief. Only anger. Still today – only anger.
Learning that he was living a double life and was involved with someone else made it pretty easy. I grieved the person I thought he was, and the life I thought we would have, but most importantly felt sad for him knowing he was an empty shell that needed distractions and substances to make him feel something. Cutting all ties and moving to a different city helped (something I had always wanted to do), but most importantly going through all the emotions by myself helped me heal. It took some time but despite the deep sorrow I felt, I wouldn’t change what I went through. Then I spent time discovering new places, hobbies and spent time with the people that supported me.
I allowed myself to grieve first, then slowly forgave both them and myself. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I’ve learned and grown from it all.
Counseling. I’ve done CBT, DBT & IFS. I’d recommend DBT to help you manage. You’ll learn about radical acceptance, diversion & distraction techniques and how to soothe yourself.
Takes time, bro. Ek din mein nahi hota. You just have to take it one day at a time and keep yourself busy. Hit the gym, hang with the boys, and let yourself feel the emotions. Jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai. Sending strength to anyone going through it right now.
I’ll never fully get over the grief from what happened, really. I went to therapy for years to get to a point where I’m functional, and I’ve built a really great life since then.
I’m not still in love with him, and there were even reasons on my end it’s good the relationship ended. I think we might have been better best friends than relationship partners. But my life diverged at that moment. I grieve for the person I was before that happened to me, and the life I thought I would be living for the rest of my life. It doesn’t feel as strong as it did 6 years ago, and it doesn’t come back all the time, but it comes back in waves sometimes. Especially around anniversaries. I also get strong disassociation related feelings, like this isn’t my life, but I’ve built a very nice life for someone else.
44 comments
[removed]
I took a 3 week trip across France without ever knowing where I was going to end up or sleep.
Not very well. Just trying to make it through
Feel it all. Therapy. Gym. Spending time with family & friends. Putting all the energy I would’ve put into that relationship, into myself instead. Still managing the grief, one day at a time.
It took time but ultimately I knew I made the right decision by walking away both times.
I’m not proud of it, but I cheated. That was the final push that ended the marriage. At the same time, it wasn’t something that came out of nowhere, there were years of mistrust and hurt on both sides. My ex had cheated on me about three years before everything ended, and I don’t think we ever really repaired things after that.
The grief has been complicated. There’s guilt for my part in how it ended, but also a sense of clarity that the relationship had been broken for a long time. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that both things can be true.
What’s helped me cope has been therapy and going back to school; basically trying to focus on growth instead of just sitting in regret. Some days are harder than others, and I still find myself wishing it had ended sooner instead of dragging out the inevitable.
I think a big part of it has been learning to take responsibility without completely defining myself by my worst decision, and trying to understand how I got there so I don’t repeat it.
Grief? I grieved enough during the marriage, I only felt relief in leaving. Love him to death platonically but its better we don’t live together.
I’m in the thick of it myself. For me, grief comes in waves. I try to stay composed, but I tend to manage it internally which leads to me quieting myself – probably not the best thing?! I have chosen survival instead of collapse. I realize that this way of dealing is not for everyone. But here i am, still standing – Today anyway. My best advise? Surround you with “ride or die” friends and family. They should know you best and be able to “carry you in the moments you cannot stand because of the heartache.”
Good luck for your journey to healing!
To be honest, it’s 2 years out from our divorce being finalized and I am still grieving the loss of my marriage and nuclear family. I’m the one who filed but it’s because I was offering solutions to our problems that he wouldn’t meet me in the middle on so it was either continue to live a life where I was crying every night and being a married single mom or get divorced and try to rebuild. So I chose to divorce him. I’ve dated since the divorce was finalized and I just never developed the same feelings for any of those men as I had for my ex husband. This year also would’ve been our 10 year wedding anniversary, so all of that just hit me like a ton of bricks. He also has a new partner that he prematurely introduced to our kids in direct violation of the custody order, so I’ve had a very hard time with that, too.
Therapy, made a lot of plans with friends, got back into hobbies I’d neglected/explored new ones
I’m 4 weeks out from a relationship where I wasn’t treated well. I just switched from the anger stage of grief to depression. It sucks. Focusing on myself and my mental health. Getting to the gym. Trying to listen to music. Reminding myself what makes me happy.
I’m just trying to get through this part. There’s no avoiding it, just got to survive it. They say everyday gets a little easier but I’m not feeling that yet.
2 years of therapy and amazing friends.
My marriage was easy to get over because we had exhausted that after many years of being unhappy.
My hardest breakup. I watched Eat Pray Love and booked a trip to Bali. Then found a rebound when I got back home from that trip.
When I was widowed, I discovered The Grief Recovery Handbook by Russell and Friedman. It helped me approach grief as a necessary, but temporary, state.
Since then I have seen friends use it for the grief from divorce, parents deaths, and one even after the loss of a pet. All have found it refreshingly honest and helpful.
Everytime I thought of the good memories or his affection, presence, etc. I would follow it up with a negative trait and dealbreakers that were there. Quickest way to stop grieving someone is to realize that you can do better, there’s millions of potential matches and people who will actually want to be with me not just settle just cause. I wasn’t perfect so owning my mistakes and also putting my everything into being the right person for the next and hopefully final one is the way to go for me. My last relationship was probably one of the best I had so far but it was the easiest to move on from and accept the reality because of the steps I followed, otherwise I’d be crashing out tbh.
I got on Meetup and got *very* social, having been a shut-in most of my marriage. I started doing things I enjoyed, with other people, in non-romantic, low pressure contexts. After a while, it felt amazing.
We all need a good cry at home sometimes. I had mornings where I woke up alone and it hit me again that he was gone and I was never going to wake up with him in my bed again, and I cried and cried and cried.
But in the long run, being alone with your grief is the worst thing for it. Putting myself around other people as much as possible helped me the most.
My (ex) husband left me for an affair partner after 19 years together. It was sudden, unexpected. I will not lie…. The darkest days of my life followed. I didn’t eat. Didn’t do basic care. Ultimately attempted suicide.
Now, 3 years later, I’m doing well. I have a job I love, apartment I love, in a new city. My mood is still a struggle but… life gets better. You’re a whole and worthy person.
I’m in a 10 year marriage now but I was in a previous long term relationship for 5 years.
I went to therapy. I had to so I could learn to love myself.
Started socializing again. Made friends, flirted with some guys. I had to block him on all social media and go full no contact.
Terribly. I tried to protect myself and give him every opportunity to make it right. To prioritize us and our new child. He just screwed it up even more. I’m a better person and a better parent without that slag weighing me down.
[removed]
Letting myself go through all the feelings. 💔 It was hard to accept that it was truly over. Then selling the house, moving out, starting over, and trying to find myself again. I went to therapy, and that helped me to see the reality; this was a relationship that broke down over the years, and we were not good for each other.
I will tell you that the relationship after my divorce hurt a lot more. I fell in love fast and poured my heart into him completely.
The grief after that was horrible and I cried A LOT. I leaned on my family & friends for support. Tried to stay busy. Tried my best to keep going out and doing things…
Unfortunately, it just takes time for your nervous system to reset (if things ended badly like you didn’t get any explanation or closure). Time for you to realize that wasn’t your person, and to take what you’ve learned from the experience.
I realized that the person I missed was a fiction. A character I believed paired with a lie he couldn’t maintain anymore. That person never existed. It was a mask and my own imagination.
I did my grieving during the relationship. When I ended it I was sad, but felt immense relief.
i give myself one week to just lay in bed, cry, not eat, not shower, not take care of myself, just one week to completely grieve and be sad, then i get into self care mode and force myself to start moving on. i also find normally a one night stand with someone else helps lol, just remind myself that other people exist and sex still exists
I didn’t experience grief over it ending, as it had long been an amicable and entirely platonic companionship by the time we officially split and we remained really good friends. Nothing weird, nothing awkward, no lingering feelings… we just felt like friends and family. We don’t even really have compatible orientations (I’m bisexual, my ex is asexual) and it just wasn’t the right match.
What I *didn’t* expect at all was the intense grief when he moved back to the US. I’m in Canada and he went to university here before we even knew each other, and save for a stint between 2008 and 2010 when he was working in Boston (and summers at his dad’s back in western Massachusetts when he was still in school), he’d lived in one part of Canada or another since 2004 and was here until 2024. So that’s the part that really hit me hard. I’m remarried to someone who’s a much better match for a relationship (and the two of them get on just fine), my ex is happiest not having a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone at all… but it really sucks not having my friend nearby anymore. So while I didn’t grieve the end of the marriage whatsoever, after about a year and a half I’m still grieving the distance and not being able to just hang out a bit whenever we feel like it.
Not quite what you asked I guess, but definitely grief I didn’t expect to feel in relation to what was once a marriage, over six years after we split.
Stayed single for three years, focusing on raising my son (who was a toddler at the time) and going to therapy to become a better person.
I was doing all the housework and parenting work, being woken up and coerced into sex, and constantly annoyed with my husband’s poor hygiene and lack of emotional support.
I couldn’t hold it together anymore, and thought that was 100% my fault, along with the destruction of our family.
Therapy helped me see that I had my culpability, I definitely could have communicated better, but he broke his end of the agreement!
Anyway, both the therapy and the single time helped, and I’ve been in a happy relationship for the last 14 years (married for seven of those).
I didn’t feel any grief. Just relief.
One relationship took me four years to get over. I allowed myself to wallow a bit. Imagined him coming back and telling me how much he missed me. (He did, three months later. Invited me skiing for the weekend and dumped me again on Sunday.) He kept circling back. When I finally realized that I was worth more than being his back-burner relationship insurance I moved on. I never allowed myself to be anyone’s second choice or “just in case I can’t find someone better” ever again. I have been divorced twice since then and felt grief in the relationship, but not when it ended.
Not well at all. I’ve been off work on disability leave for almost two years due to the grief triggering major depression after splitting with my partner of 15 years who struggles with addictions. I didn’t want to walk away but I could no longer watch them self destruct. I was hoping once they were in recovery we’d have the chance to build something healthy, but they don’t want that. I still love them deeply and it’s devastating. I left my marriage to be with them. They helped raise my kids so I’m grieving the loss of that family as I knew it, as well. I’m on antidepressants and have a wonderful therapist and attend Alanon and have the support of family and friends, yet I can barely do anything. Even bathing or going for a five-minute walk is usually so hard. I’m seeing a different shrink for a second opinion and really hoping they’ll suggest something new to try. It’s very discouraging. I so want to turn things around. Hopefully I will (I’ll definitely be reading this thread!) and then I’ll have more positivity to share. ❤️
I looked at all the ways my world opened up after i got rid of him. I’m in a time of abundance and I don’t regret letting him go at all.
I had a good old fashioned nervous breakdown, I was a complete emotional mess. Had a bit of therapy, not enough but all I could afford and it helped get me through the worst. Time did the rest.
Tried to become lesbian for two years, realized I was bi. Got underneath anyone to get over my ex. Did lots of drugs, worked at a strip club. Went through manic sexual episodes. Attempted Suicide. Tried religion. Realized I’m atheist. Joined the Satanic Temple. Started therapy. Started new meds. Started loving myself. Became happy.
I want to add that grieving someone you love and want in your life who is still alive and they want nothing to do with you is a special kind of hell. 💔
I just let myself feel it when I had time to do so. I’d cry, write, rage, masturbate, cry some more.
I’m coming up on year 2 and it’s getting easier. I was the one that left.
Divorce is hard but you need to let yourself grieve and not constantly find distractions.
Therapy and knowing that I couldn’t completely fall apart because my kids needed me. I just took one day at a time. It was very hard. It’s been more than ten years and there are still moments when the sadness of it all still hits me. I also learned about self-compassion and forgave myself. Look up the books by Dr. Kristin Neff. She actually had a personal experience with a relationship that you might relate to.
Slept around and cried myself to sleep. It took 4 years.
I’m still trying to manage it. It’s rough out here 🙃
taking the time to process and feel / grieve, therapy twice a week, and a lot of prozac. I’m about 8 months out and can’t believe how far I’ve come.
There was no grief. Only anger. Still today – only anger.
Learning that he was living a double life and was involved with someone else made it pretty easy. I grieved the person I thought he was, and the life I thought we would have, but most importantly felt sad for him knowing he was an empty shell that needed distractions and substances to make him feel something. Cutting all ties and moving to a different city helped (something I had always wanted to do), but most importantly going through all the emotions by myself helped me heal. It took some time but despite the deep sorrow I felt, I wouldn’t change what I went through. Then I spent time discovering new places, hobbies and spent time with the people that supported me.
I allowed myself to grieve first, then slowly forgave both them and myself. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I’ve learned and grown from it all.
Counseling. I’ve done CBT, DBT & IFS. I’d recommend DBT to help you manage. You’ll learn about radical acceptance, diversion & distraction techniques and how to soothe yourself.
Takes time, bro. Ek din mein nahi hota. You just have to take it one day at a time and keep yourself busy. Hit the gym, hang with the boys, and let yourself feel the emotions. Jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai. Sending strength to anyone going through it right now.
I’ll never fully get over the grief from what happened, really. I went to therapy for years to get to a point where I’m functional, and I’ve built a really great life since then.
I’m not still in love with him, and there were even reasons on my end it’s good the relationship ended. I think we might have been better best friends than relationship partners. But my life diverged at that moment. I grieve for the person I was before that happened to me, and the life I thought I would be living for the rest of my life. It doesn’t feel as strong as it did 6 years ago, and it doesn’t come back all the time, but it comes back in waves sometimes. Especially around anniversaries. I also get strong disassociation related feelings, like this isn’t my life, but I’ve built a very nice life for someone else.