Hi everyone,
I (21M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for a little over a year. We officially got together in January 2025 after an awkward first date in September 2024. I broke up with her in late January 2026, but she sent a long apologetic message saying she heard me and wanted to try again. I took her back because I genuinely wanted it to work.
I’m struggling with feeling constantly insecure and emotionally drained. There’s a recurring pattern where she becomes distant, gives minimal communication when things get difficult, and maintains very close friendships with other guys that make me feel disrespected.
Some examples:
• She frequently goes silent or uses DND, promises to check in but often doesn’t, and says “I don’t know” when I try to talk about deeper issues.
• She has a long-time male friend she’s known for years. They have gone on multiple trips together, she spends time at his place, and she turns to him when she’s feeling down. Even after I expressed how uncomfortable it made me, the pattern continued. One difficult moment was when I was feeling really low after failing an exam and she was at his place. I didn’t fully express how hurt I was in the moment, but it affected me deeply.
• When I raise these concerns calmly, she often deflects or shuts down instead of engaging with how it affects me.
I know I’m not perfect. I can overthink, be intense, and I haven’t always communicated my feelings clearly from the start. I have my own triggers and take responsibility for my part.
Right now she’s on a trip abroad with her girl friend. She’s posting stories but hasn’t replied to my messages, including a nice memory I sent her. When I reposted one of her pictures, she asked me not to do that again, and I respected that.
I genuinely love her and want this to work, but I’m exhausted from the uncertainty and the feeling that the same issues keep repeating. I value respect and clear boundaries, and I’m trying to figure out if this is something we can work through or if it’s a sign we’re not compatible.
How do I handle this? Any advice or perspective would be appreciated.
Thank you.