My fiancé and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have 1 child together and I have 2 children from a previous relationship. We have lived together for 9 years and haven’t ever had huge fights. Minor disagreements and frustrations, but nothing major. We have a great sex life.

I’ve been feeling like something’s a little off lately. He’s been taking his phone with him everywhere and only puts it down when it’s charging, but even then, it’s within his sight.

I fell asleep last night before he did. I woke up and saw he was watching porn. Not a big deal. But then I saw him screenshot a frame and it made me wonder if he did that a lot.

He fell asleep and I started looking through his phone. I hate that I did that and I know it’s an invasion of privacy, but what I found had me shaking. I saw flirty messages from “coworkers,” lots of pictures of naked women taken within the last couple months, onlyfans subscriptions in his email, and his Reddit username. When I looked it up, I found lots of comments on various posts of topless women saying what he would want to do with them. I also saw that he had sent a girl he works with money on more than one occasion.

We’re supposed to be getting married in May and have a big vacation planned at the beginning of June. Where do we go from here?


15 comments

  1. You leave and thank the universe for saving you from a messy divorce. Use that wedding money to get an appointment with a therapist to help you through this.

  2. “I saw flirty messages from “coworkers,..”

    That’s cheating and proof that you should NOT be getting married to him. He’s keeping his options open or perhaps even physically cheating with that coworker.

    “I found lots of comments on various posts of topless women saying what he would want to do with them”

    Yeah, I’d bounce and you should too. Who cares about the wedding and this big vacation, he fkd up OP. He’s lying to your face every single moment.

  3. What do you mean where do we go from here?

    There is only one way to go. Do you want us to spell it out for you?

    I can only tell you what I will do. I will break up. Yes, it feels like you spent a lot of time on this relationship. And this is how he treated you. If you let this go, he will do worse in another 9 years, since there are no consequences.

  4. Your post history indicates you had a breakup a couple years ago, is this the same guy? What happened there?

  6. You do the only things to do.

    Pretend you didn’t see anything.
    Std test.
    Lawyer up for custody.
    Move out.
    Cancel wedding.
    Go on that vacation.

    In that order.

  7. It’s up to you! 

    Accept what he’s like, knowing it’s likely to get worse, go on that holiday and say ‘I do’ while trying to push his unfaithful and porn to the back of your mind; raise the kids while being in an unhappy relationship and resenting your husband; OR 

    Decide you deserve better and GTFO. 

  8. Cancelling a wedding is cheaper than having the wedding and divorcing him later. He hasn’t changed. 

  9. I disagree this is cheating, but still it’s very poor behavior. Talk to him, tell him you saw and read it all. Tell him if he wants the relationship to continue he needs to change. Talk to him.

  10. what you just wrote is a form of cheating and you are blessed & lucky to have found it now. obviously it will be hard but leave him it will only get worse

  11. “Where do we go from here?”

    If an almost 40 year old woman is asking this, then she’s just looking for excuses to stay. 

  13. He broke a major trust: Yours. For me there would be no going back. He’s a cheat and will actually cheat on you. It’s only a matter of time.

    Do what pinkflamingoturds said. Enjoy yourself and be thankful you found out now

  14. So he’s emotionally cheating with coworkers and embarrassing himself online. Don’t marry this guy.

  15. you’re 37. you already had a kid with him. do you really want to further complicate your relationship with this loser by getting married to him?

    clearly he’s cheating on you. imagine him using money for your future on other women. get out while you still can.

    go to therapy for the sake of ALL of your children. figure out what draws you to men like this.

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