Today i (24M) was at my workplace doing some file work with a female coworker (lets call her A). We just work in the same company and know each other by name but we really dont talk unless we get the same work by chance. We were just talking a bit while doing work when our employer (also a female) came and started shouting at A because she used to come late to work and also she ignored official messages. When the employer left, i tried to calm her by saying a little joke but then i noticed she was crying.
I was really confused about what to do. First i thought of giving her water but i did not had it with me. Next i thought of giving her my hanky but i thought it would make her uncomfortable. Next i thought of comforting her by words but i could not think of what to say.
Finally i decided its better to stay quiet than to make her more uncomfortable. So i just continued the work and after 15 min she began the conversation about the incident. I said i was myself surprised because i had never seen her shout at someone so badly. Then we continued to talk on other things.

What should i have done in that situation?


28 comments

  2. I think you handled it well. I have had the mortifying experience of crying at work and, I am reasonably sure, your colleague does not want a big deal made about it. Just treating her empathetically after she pulled herself together was the way to go.

  5. Probably the best thing would be to attune to her by telling her that other coworker was really out of line and that must have really felt bad to be yelled at like that. Then ask her if she wants to talk about it or not. If she does want to talk, then just listen to what she says and nod and agree with her feelings, but don’t offer any suggestions or opinions. If she does not want to talk about it then accept that and let her know if she ever wants to talk about it you’re there and then get back to work.

    Things to not do include telling her to stop crying or saying things like “it’s ok” or “don’t worry” or being silent and not acknowledging that she’s crying.

  6. Tissues, glass of water. Don’t ask just leave near her and give her some breathing room

  7. Leave some space to herself. If it’s someone you know well, you may conform them.

  8. Crying at work is humiliating and I hate it when it happens. I mainly want to be left alone, but I’m ok with someone asking “Is there anything I can do to help?” Usually it’s no (so l can just go die in peace), but it’s a good way to acknowledge that someone is upset, you care, but you aren’t going to make it worse or be judgemental.

  9. At work, and over a topic like this, this is basically ideal.

    Now, I’d advice on future interactions with this colleague: just carry on as normal. It never happened. No need to be extra nice, or ask later if they’re ok, or to go extra cold or weird to act cool or something. Since you handled it perfectly nicely, they might be extra nice to you now, or they might be embarrassed so possibly act a bit avoidant. Don’t read anything more than that into their behavior.

  11. Someone here already said it but some variation of “Is there anything I can do for you” or “How can i help you” are great ways to empathize with someone when you don’t know what to do to help them.

    If anything, it avoids the awkward silence and makes them feel heard. Ofcourse, if it’s a complete stranger then just giving them some space like you did would probably be more ideal.

  13. I’m sorry I don’t have an actual answer, but yelling “I’ll give you something to cry about” would be entertaining. Don’t do this though, unless you know the person really well and they would understand you’re joking 🤣🤣

  16. You can always tell them something reassuring like they are a good person, they have respect of their coworkers and family, etc.! Sometimes it’s the same reminder you need for yourself, and giving it to someone else makes both you and the other person feel better and remember the truth

  17. I worked with a woman who started crying, once. I just found some tissues and offered them to her asked if she wanted to talk about what happened, and then suggested she’d take some time for herself in the office.

    I was what, 40 or so (and a man), she was 24 or 25, a freshly graduated nurse who just started working with us and I had been working there for 5 or 6 years at that time, and had just been yelled at by relatives of a person living in our nursing home.

    Told her the usual stuff, “They’re just coming to terms with having put their mother in a nursing home, they didn’t mean it personally”, that kind of stuff. Maybe I squeezed her shoulder, I don’t remember (this was about 7 years ago).

    And she took the tissues, said “Thanks”, and went into the office for a few minutes. After the shift ended, she stayed for a bit longer and talked with one of the women who had been working there for 15 or 20 years.

    Sometimes it’s best to just let them know it’s okay to cry, offer some support and understanding, and then let them talk with whoever they’re most comfortable talking with.

  18. My response would be “If there’s something I can do to help you feel better let me know, if not I can give you space.”

    This allows a clear boundary to be set by her.

  19. I offer kleenex as the safest way to offer comfort. Most people can benefit from it for nose or eyes. It shows caring. From there follow their cue and your personal boundary.

  20. Ask if there’s anything you can do and maybe just say I’m here if you need anything. It’s one of those things.

  21. I think you’re supposed to shake them and send them to the nervous doctor

  22. I’m the guy that usually end up talking to the stranger on the edge of tears at a party because something happened in their life. Because I enjoy helping, giving them an ear. I usually just start with something like “are you ok? if you want a stranger’s ear I’d be happy to talk, if not I understand”

    I had 2 people on the same night at 2 different gatherings a few months back.

    BUT if you don’t feel like or aren’t capable of being a counselor in an awkward place, you can just ask if there’s anything you can do, get you a glass of water or anything?

    Just show human concern but you needn’t get engaged in it, just show a little care.

    empty platitudes are minimizing their troubles, don’t do that, just show a little human care, when they say they don’t need anything, give them space. You don’t even Have to say anything at all if you just catch eye contact, give a kind of head tilt, like “do you want me to approach/check in”, that’s often enough, they’ll shake their head, you can leave them to it. No need to be pushy or anything.

  23. ‘let me go get you a tissue’, practical, gives privacy and saves you a little awkwardness

  24. Give her a little space, just ask if she’s alright/ needs anything. She probably doesn’t want to talk about it, but it’s nice to ask. Sometimes if I just don’t know someone well enough for us to discuss our personal lives, I’ll just say I hope their day gets better.

    IF the incident was really egregious and you feel like it was too much, maybe talk to HR. In any case, she shouldn’t give reprimands in front of other employees, that’s not appropriate.

  25. I would shove a box of kleenex in her direction and, then, quietly focus on some work you need to do.

  28. Just ask if she’s feeling okay and see if you can try to calm her down. Maybe give some verbal reassurance that it’s not a big deal and things happen (since crying at work can be pre embarassing). After that leave her be and check up on her later if you care. I did what you did was fine though. Honestly it’s hard to determine what to do exactly because everyone is different- some people want to be left alone, some people want to be comforted, some people want specific actions etc. That’s not on you to know though, especially since you’re coworkers and from the sounds of it, not close ones either.

Leave a Reply