What did you change in your lifestyle or personality for a relationship you truly wanted?
March 29, 2026
What did you change in your lifestyle or personality for a relationship you truly wanted?
24 comments
Learnt how to communicate even if if was out of my comfort zone (instead of being mad and waiting for him to magically read my mind). Also how to communicate my needs and take responsibility if he doesn’t do something I haven’t made clear I cant get mad it’s on me.
Directly communicating what I want. Including boundaries and what I expect out of relationship has helped a ton.
I’m also trying to put more effort into my looks because that is pretty important
I worked on my self esteem problem and started accepting that I deserve love and respect. I also realized that the discomfort of relationships ending will not kill me and that I need to walk away earlier.
Plus I realized I was more judgemental than I thought and so I stopped trying to decide early on how a person or a relationship would be. I approach it more open mindedly and try to judge people based on the real facts and not a narrative I created. [Edit to add: it was hard to spot the judgementalness because I wasn’t being mean about it. Or at least I wasn’t being mean to them, I was usually being mean to myself.]
I quit smoking cigarettes.
Literally everything. I would stress myself out trying to maintain a physique that my body structure couldn’t support, ended up with severe body dysmorphia and a ED. Did drugs and drank way more than I should have to keep up with his prefered lifestyle. Dropped out of college because he thought it was stupid and said it was a waste of time. Became way more of a pushover because he had a problem with me being independent since it made him feel inferior. Then I eventually turned into a recluse because he didn’t like my friends and didn’t want my family finding out how things were going.. needless to say it ended horribly.
Moral of the story, changing yourself to fit into someone else’s mold will more times than not make you forget what makes you who you are. Only change if YOU want to change for the betterment of yourself. Some may very well have changed for the better in these situations but it messed me up pretty bad and I’m still feeling the consequences 10 years later.
It sounds horrible and yes, it was abusive but I truly loved him and wanted it to work. He wasn’t always like that but we can’t control what path someone takes.
Learned to let go of perfection when it’s not necessary. This for me looks like allowing people to learn things on their own and not to criticize people’s attempts at things.
I was raised in a critical household and I needed to make sure I didn’t perpetuate that.
I no longer ‘drop hints’. I communicate directly what i’m feeling, thinking or wanting.
I changed partners.
How I dress, I’m the queen of layering in the winter, and he fell for my outfits. But now that it’s spring, I’ll wear the outfits he likes later in the season than I would normally.
I learned to communicate my feelings. Before I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to seem difficult or naggy and that would turn into me blowing up over the toilet paper rolls. It’s never about the toilet paper roll. So now when something bothers me I say “hey I don’t like this, can we talk about it?” And it’s made the relationship much much better.
A relationship I truly want wouldn’t require me to change my lifestyle or personality because he’d love me just as I am.
I learned to let go of trauma-related bahaviours and accept love. To appreciate the good in people and not be a pessismist all the time.
[removed]
I learned to finally be happy with where I was at in life without a partner. I had great friends and family, a decent job and was social and I just learned to not be so concerned about my future without a partner and to be content with however it worked out. And then I met my fiancé. I stopped focusing on what I didn’t have and focused on enjoying what I did have and I believe my person was drawn to me because of this happiness.
I learned how to listen to a different communication style. Also, I learned the differences in “love” language.
Just because it wasn’t like mine (either above) doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuine.
[removed]
Nothing because I don’t change who I am for other people. I make changes because I want to improve myself for me.
Ate more junk food, went out to eat more and gained weight because it was becoming difficult trying to deal with a fussy eater and seemed easier to keep the peace.
Yeah…I won’t do that again 🤣🤣🤣
I ended up truly sober and continued it after even if tempted. I became more of homebuddy too so I think that’s positive
I’m considering moving to another state.
Way too much and would go back and undo all of those things will never do again
Worked on my dismissive avoidance
Learned how to communicate my feelings
Learned to ask for help
Worked through an anxious attachment style. So worth it.
He was having a reaction to the laundry detergent I use on my clothes and sheets. I gave it to a friend and started using the unscented stuff he uses. We broke up like 3 years ago, but I still use the detergent I started using for him.
24 comments
Learnt how to communicate even if if was out of my comfort zone (instead of being mad and waiting for him to magically read my mind). Also how to communicate my needs and take responsibility if he doesn’t do something I haven’t made clear I cant get mad it’s on me.
Directly communicating what I want. Including boundaries and what I expect out of relationship has helped a ton.
I’m also trying to put more effort into my looks because that is pretty important
I worked on my self esteem problem and started accepting that I deserve love and respect. I also realized that the discomfort of relationships ending will not kill me and that I need to walk away earlier.
Plus I realized I was more judgemental than I thought and so I stopped trying to decide early on how a person or a relationship would be. I approach it more open mindedly and try to judge people based on the real facts and not a narrative I created. [Edit to add: it was hard to spot the judgementalness because I wasn’t being mean about it. Or at least I wasn’t being mean to them, I was usually being mean to myself.]
I quit smoking cigarettes.
Literally everything. I would stress myself out trying to maintain a physique that my body structure couldn’t support, ended up with severe body dysmorphia and a ED. Did drugs and drank way more than I should have to keep up with his prefered lifestyle. Dropped out of college because he thought it was stupid and said it was a waste of time. Became way more of a pushover because he had a problem with me being independent since it made him feel inferior. Then I eventually turned into a recluse because he didn’t like my friends and didn’t want my family finding out how things were going.. needless to say it ended horribly.
Moral of the story, changing yourself to fit into someone else’s mold will more times than not make you forget what makes you who you are. Only change if YOU want to change for the betterment of yourself. Some may very well have changed for the better in these situations but it messed me up pretty bad and I’m still feeling the consequences 10 years later.
It sounds horrible and yes, it was abusive but I truly loved him and wanted it to work. He wasn’t always like that but we can’t control what path someone takes.
Learned to let go of perfection when it’s not necessary. This for me looks like allowing people to learn things on their own and not to criticize people’s attempts at things.
I was raised in a critical household and I needed to make sure I didn’t perpetuate that.
I no longer ‘drop hints’. I communicate directly what i’m feeling, thinking or wanting.
I changed partners.
How I dress, I’m the queen of layering in the winter, and he fell for my outfits. But now that it’s spring, I’ll wear the outfits he likes later in the season than I would normally.
I learned to communicate my feelings. Before I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to seem difficult or naggy and that would turn into me blowing up over the toilet paper rolls. It’s never about the toilet paper roll. So now when something bothers me I say “hey I don’t like this, can we talk about it?” And it’s made the relationship much much better.
A relationship I truly want wouldn’t require me to change my lifestyle or personality because he’d love me just as I am.
I learned to let go of trauma-related bahaviours and accept love. To appreciate the good in people and not be a pessismist all the time.
[removed]
I learned to finally be happy with where I was at in life without a partner. I had great friends and family, a decent job and was social and I just learned to not be so concerned about my future without a partner and to be content with however it worked out. And then I met my fiancé. I stopped focusing on what I didn’t have and focused on enjoying what I did have and I believe my person was drawn to me because of this happiness.
I learned how to listen to a different communication style. Also, I learned the differences in “love” language.
Just because it wasn’t like mine (either above) doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuine.
[removed]
Nothing because I don’t change who I am for other people. I make changes because I want to improve myself for me.
Ate more junk food, went out to eat more and gained weight because it was becoming difficult trying to deal with a fussy eater and seemed easier to keep the peace.
Yeah…I won’t do that again 🤣🤣🤣
I ended up truly sober and continued it after even if tempted. I became more of homebuddy too so I think that’s positive
I’m considering moving to another state.
Way too much and would go back and undo all of those things will never do again
Worked on my dismissive avoidance
Learned how to communicate my feelings
Learned to ask for help
Worked through an anxious attachment style. So worth it.
He was having a reaction to the laundry detergent I use on my clothes and sheets. I gave it to a friend and started using the unscented stuff he uses. We broke up like 3 years ago, but I still use the detergent I started using for him.