Hey so I just wanted to vent and share this here, in case someone relates or just because.
What i learned the hard way, but was worth it because on the other side was genuine love. I'm 33F and I've been looking for the one since I can remember. I know it's sounds ridiculous, but when you have a childhood with no secure attachments, having a relationship felt like the only way to be chosen. How I got here, I had to stop trying to control the outcome. And it did something radical: it dissolved performance, it made me present and presence is where real connection happened. My boyfriend didn't arrive because I finally "did it right". He arrived when I stopped trying to be chosen and showed up as I was. I started seeing this as divine favor because to be honest I see this all the time, people trying to logic their way into a relationship. If you have the looks, if you're ambitious, if you're taller etc etc, love is not the reward and it can't be earned. People in relationships, if you read this, do you ever wonder why your partner is with you? Truly? Because I wonder and I know for a fact I'm not perfect or exceptional at all. You can be kind, and your heart is pure and still can be single for a long time. And this is a painful belief I carried and I see many people have it, that people in relationships know something we don't, they have access to something we're missing, they have something we don't, because it helps us make sense of exclusion. I didn't suddenly became deserving, I became available. Sometimes you'll meet people that pursue you, that seem right on paper but you don't feel that connection, the spark. I think it's called alignment and that's why we can't make it work even if we want to, and you'll have to be strong and that's where letting go of expectations and the need for control will help you not rush into something that's not in alignment with your life. I've been living with my boyfriend since last year and every day still feels like new, I don't take it for granted, and I would be the last person to advise you —or anyone looking for love, that it'll come when you least expect it. When you give up. Because that's not what I meant. I never stopped wanting it, and I didn't become a recluse, in a way I was still putting myself out there, I just stopped seeing every guy as a potential partner and I didn't chase after my boyfriend, he didn't chase after me, we really just met each other where we were at the time and it was good timing for both. I hope this helps 🫶 ..