I’m 35 F and I’ve been with my husband since I was 20 he is 40 M. We’ve been married for a decade and we have two children. I love him, I really do, but lately I’m finding it harder and harder to carry the weight of his anxiety. I feel awful even saying it, but I’m starting to resent how much it has shaped our lives. I’ve had my own struggles with depression and anxiety, and therapy has helped me grow so much. I’ve tried to encourage him to get support too, but he shuts down every time.
His childhood wasn’t easy he has a strained relationship with his dad and a very controlling mother who still manipulates him emotionally. I know all of that has left deep marks on him, and I do feel compassion for him, but living with the fallout every day is exhausting.
I guess I’m wondering if it’s normal in long-term relationships to hit a point where you just can’t cope the way you used to. I feel like he resents me too. I’m halfway through a degree to change careers, and somewhere along the way I developed a crush on someone I met there. I’m not proud of it. I have no intention of acting on it. But feeling that spark ,that sense of being seen and enjoyed , reminded me that part of me still exists. And then the guilt hits, because I don’t want to be that person.
I’m trying to let the crush be what it is: a sign that I’m lonely, that I’m craving connection, that something in my marriage needs attention. I’m choosing to let the feeling pass rather than feed it, but it’s still confusing and painful.
Coming home to someone who is constantly withdrawn, tense, or irritable wears you down in ways you don’t even notice until you’re running on empty. I’m just trying to figure out how to move forward, how to support him without losing myself, and how to let go of this crush without pretending it never happened.
I’m so confused and I feel like a terrible person. Please be kind, I’m just looking for some advice.
Is it normal to have a crush when you’re married?