I’ve been crying for over an hour out of disappointment and frustration. Me (29f) and my husband (30m) have been married almost ten years, and have always had a very healthy communication when it comes to intimacy. We’re very open and honest and will communicate if we want something specific on the day, and so forth. Also, it’s important to note that I am pregnant, which is why I am assuming responsibility for this current issue. When I’m pregnant, my intimacy needs and expectations vary, AND it affects my emotions a lot.
Well, this week was one of those weeks in pregnancy where I was feeling feral (sorry TMI), and I needed my husband. We had already gone 3 days w/o due to our kids and life, so I committed to setting the tone… and being very flirty and forward. That day I had a meeting and would be getting home around 10pm, and when I got home he was already asleep. The whole day I was uncomfortable and could feel the build up.. so I was disappointed and honestly felt a bit unattractive because he didn’t wait for me after I had been so forward all day, but rationalized that he’s been working such long hours at both jobs and he had to wake up at 3.30 the following morning so I didn’t try too hard to wake him up.
When i saw him the next afternoon I shared how I felt, and he apologized saying he fell asleep while waiting. I still felt the uncomfortable buildup of not having what I wanted but again, our kids don’t leave a lot of room for spontaneity. Tonight, another 2 days later from that night, I had actually fallen asleep while he was out at work. I woke up to him very hurriedly trying to start being intimate (usually not a problem) and I told him I needed him to slow down. He listened as usual, but embarrassingly enough i couldn’t “get ready.” I feel like I was in a mental battle and I kept thinking how it would feel to not have my needs met again… and instead of relaxing I started growing frustrated. well… we used help because the buildup was becoming painful.. (again TMI) after a while of me constantly redirecting and adjusting… he was done and I was not. It’s never happened to me before but as soon as I realized what was happening I started crying. Full on sobbing. He looked so scared and started apologizing and was trying to “help the situation” but my crying mixed with me not finishing made me want to throw up.. again, that’s a new one for me.
This is all way too much personal information.. but I’ve been crying from embarrassment and disappointment and honestly I feel so conflicted. I don’t see him as being at fault because he was listening and doing what I was saying.. but I really think I hurt his feelings and I’m embarrassed to try to explain. Ignoring the subject is not an option.. but what am I supposed to say “I cried for an hour because I didn’t finish and my body feels like it’s been forever even though it’s been less than a week so I’m spiraling because now I feel ugly and broken because my body is not responding to what I want and everything I planned in my head all fell apart and sorry I made it seem like you just didn’t know what you were doing.” ?