Have you given up on dating? If so why?

39 comments

1. Hmm I’ve mostly given up because I’m older now 37, I’m a single dad with three kids and honestly it’s just hard to trust people

2. I have to. Dating has been horrible. I went on years of frustrating first and occasional second dates. As soon as I finally thought I found a connection, I was lied to and played. I have to give up at this point. If I bring so much to the table (and I really do), there’s no point in lugging said table around with me just to have it destroyed over and over. I’ll just eat on my own.

3. I’m 29F and 8 months date-sober. As someone neurodivergent (ADHD), I tend to give guys a bit more grace than a neurotypical person might. I don’t mind quirks or special interests or social awkwardness. However, it’s landed me a lot of entitled “nice guys” who use their neurodivergence or mental health as a crutch.

   In 2024 I was in a relationship with a man who would blame his bad behavior and complete lack of ambition on his autism. I was going 50/50 with a man who didn’t pay rent in his childhood bedroom (I live alone and work as both a lecturer and PhD student), only to find out all his disposable income was going to OF. He was a porn addict and it turned out to be the reason he compared me to such unrealistic standards.

   Broke up with him, went to therapy, fought the urge to get plastic surgery and a GLP-1 because I didn’t look like an 18-year-old AI Instabaddie. And when I felt truly healed, I got into a relationship with another autistic man who lived at home and blamed everything on his autism. This guy wasn’t a porn addict, but he had the emotional intelligence of a sidewalk-strewn penny. He just genuinely did not care to engage with my life. When we broke up he didn’t even know when my birthday was (we’d just celebrated his where I got him an expensive and personalized gift plus spent hundreds on the activity he wanted to do).

   After that I was just… burned out. I was tired of teaching men life skills like empathy and consideration. I never felt like the girlfriend in my relationships; I was the mommy-boyfriend who planned and paid for everything. So I stopped putting myself out there.

   Since then I’ve lost 15 lbs, started querying a novel (that already has agent interest, yay!), got back into a ton of old hobbies, reconnected with friends, and I’m in the final months of my doctorate. Do I get lonely? Sure, but then I remember nothing feels as lonely as lying next to a man (in your own apartment) and knowing he doesn’t know a damn thing about you.

   I don’t think there is a lack of good people out there, but there’s a **LOT** of unhealed, traumatized, bitter ones. I can’t stomach kissing any more toads for my prince. I’m just planning to be the fun wine aunt who visits her nieces and nephews once a year with cool presents from Europe and contributes to creative and academic literature.

4. I gave up personally about a year ago. I took a step back to evaluate how I accept treatment from others and how I treat others myself. It’s opened my eyes to just how horrible and sad it all really is. This has also impacted regular friendships/relationships for me. I’m chronically ill/faint and haven’t unfortunately found anyone willing to be there for me so I tend to stay inside and avoid triggers for my safety. I’m trying to do things for myself at my pace and to feel fulfilled incase my health takes a turn for the worse, and its just not something I take lightly.
   So, in essence, I don’t have time to waste wondering why people treat others poorly, but I’ve definitely learned that people’s actions are the only truth and I listen. People treat you the way they want to see you, and if they don’t want to see you, they won’t treat you like it.

5. Yes. I don’t like online dating. I just feel like I’m not meeting the right people on there. No one has made me feel safe and I’m just over it. 
   I can’t do nonchalant men, especially bc im truly a lover girl at heart! It sucks bc I want to get married and have kids one day but I find it very hard to find a man who is compatible with me or who doesn’t only lust after me. I’m so tired of feeling objectified too as a woman and not valued. I have no desire right now and I’m jaded 

6. I got abused bad. I got educated and I’m accessing mental help. But my boundaries and standards are so high, I’m realistically not going to go out with anyone anytime soon. I’ve always been used and taken advantage of and it’s so hard to find a man who won’t push limits. I also notice so many people are shacking up! I don’t want to live with a bf!!! I have so much trauma from being homeless, I refuse to give that level of trust to a boyfriend. I’d only ever live with a romantic partner if we were already engaged and set to be married. Everything else feels like I’m helping subsidize someone’s rent, I’d rather have roommates then help a bf who I’m likely not going to wed. I don’t want to help a man save money to meet someone else and marry her. I’m also the age where I’m “supposed” to have a family and marry. I don’t want to have an emotionally immature man who doesn’t want kids to lead me on again, I wasted half of my 20s, my most fertile years wasting my eggs. If someone doesn’t want marriage of children before i get to an age where it’s less likely to physically happen there’s no point in companionship. I know that sounds bad but I’ve missed out on so much because my past partners were very selfish and lied like crazy. It’s comically sad how bad men AND women lie to gain temporary companionship.

7. I tried but found dating apps to be exhausting as I will initiate and the men are not responding or just obnoxious! Also, I realized I love my solitude. I sleep on my king-size bed diagonally, watch whatever I want, and am just okay with myself. I realized I was never happy in a relationship but happy when I’m all by myself.

8. No.

   I’ve been trying for 30 years, only some small successes. I’m still trying, and I’m going to keep trying. Maybe I’m too stubborn or too stupid to know when to quit, but I’m still in this thing.

9. It really tends towards a lopsided experience. I haven’t given up per say but there’s a point where after 7 years of being single and trying to date with no success it gets to be really rough. Like I understand why women aren’t exactly beating down my door. I’m a severely disabled balding fat guy on government assistance who is now in my mid 30s, not exactly a forest of green flags there. So I understand the number of people who would even entertain that without a predatory intent ( my only ex was both physically and emotionally abusive) is miniscule, it just gets soul crushing.

10. Too late, never had the chance at the carefree fun stuff when I was younger. That’s unattractive and wouldn’t be fair at my age.

11. My last relationship was about 8 years ago. It ended when I moved to take care of my dad during his battle with cancer. My partner at the time didn’t want to come with me, even though I offered to support her financially, and it ultimately ended with her feeling I was being selfish for leaving.

    After spending two years caring for my dad, I got pulled into work and life just kind of moved forward. Now at 45, I feel like I don’t really recognize the dating landscape anymore. I tried dating apps for about eight months, with input from friends on my profile, but didn’t have much luck.

    I even joined a dating event group and met some really nice people, but nothing really turned into a connection. On paper, I check a lot of the usual boxes: tall, fit, no kids, driven. But that doesn’t always translate in real life, and I’ve felt pretty invisible at times.

    That said, I genuinely enjoy my own company and don’t fixate on it the way I used to. If I meet someone, great, but if not, I’m okay with that too.

12. I have given up for now. I’m late 30s woman with two teenage kids 50% of the time. I’ve been divorced for 3 years. I went to therapy and addressed my mental health. I became very physically active and I am in good shape. I eat well and I have an active social life with friends, hobbies I enjoy. I have a solid career and make decent money. The men I meet tell me that I look better in real life than on the apps, or how attractive I am.
    And yet, each time I get involved in something it ends with something hurtful, especially, cheating, abuse, being used or treated poorly. My marriage ended due to cheating, and the two year relationship I had after was also ended due to same kind of deal. It has made me very distrustful and afraid to date. I feel worse about myself the more I date, and I’m tired of feeling that way. I’m focusing on friendship, on my kids, my career. Trying to abate the pain of loneliness is not worth the pain of these experiences.

13. Pretty much.

    I’m 53 so dating is almost impossible.

    I finally met a woman that is, in my eyes, perfect. But she’s younger, has a partner, and isn’t interested in me at all. When she found out I had feelings for her she stopped talking to me.

    What’s the point of all this?

14. Things just seem so weird and out of wack.

15. No, I’m a 34 did take a 1 year hiatus to focus on myself worked on my myself gotten clear what I want in a healthy relationship I’m ready to try again

    Honestly my general goal is find the right person person for me someone we grow together with, learn from each other support each other I genuinely want a relationship because I’m ready to get deep with someone who matches my effort.

16. I think there is the chance for anything, but at some point you learn and can read people. I once went on a date where the girl I was with told me to pretend I just met her at the bar, her BF is coming. I’ve had a date be rude to service & security away from me. She left mid date and the bar bought me pizza.

    I would say these woman were 1%, the other 99% of woman were good to fantastic people. I think there is a large percentage of men who are empathetically stunted, not well adjusted, or just selfish compared to woman but they do exist. Learning how to read people and pick up on things very quickly is a huge part of eliminating the bad people

17. Well to oversimplify it, i don’t have what it takes, or at least that’s how i feel at the moment i’ve had low to no to self-esteem and self-confidence ever since i can remember. 

18. Pretty much. A few reasons – too many heartbreaks, too many disappointments, I’m financially and physically vulnerable, too busy and poor to put time into dating, and I have serious doubts about the success rate.

    So, basically protecting myself from a high-risk low-reward situation. Which sucks. Because I would LOVE to love somebody. And I’m not bad at it either. :/

19. I’m 29(F) all the guys who had an interest in me weren’t genuine. Some were cheating on girls I didn’t know about, others had side chicks, the last one i dated hurt me the most, gave me the impression he wanted something real made me open up again and just broked me again. It’s always disappointment and I’m tired. I’m a huge lover girl and I’m also too beautiful for all this drama from men.

20. I’m a dude 40, educated, no kids, live on my own, have my own car, career, money, hobbies and side hustle. I wasted my 20’s and 30’s on a marriage and a long term relationship that both ended with heartbreak and financial ruin, didn’t really I guess develop any game during that time because I wasn’t trying to cheat and have only had those two relationships. After being single for a bit I put myself out there for a few months and had an absolutely terrible experience overall. I deleted the apps and I guess I’ll just die alone.

21. As a dude I haven’t had any _awful_ experiences but haven’t had many good ones either. If an activity is a repeatedly unrewarding chore people will turn their attention to more rewarding things.

    I haven’t flat out given up but I’m out of fucks to give, which doesn’t really seem to jive with the ever-increasing expectations driven by social media echo chambers.

    All of this I say as I was matched, chatted up, and ghosted during the date scheduling process 4x in the last 3 days. So I might be due for another dating mental health break.

22. I think it really depends on where one is in life. I’m in my 50s. I get a lot of matches, and I am rather picky. Women are either desperate because the kids moved out, much younger/with ‘daddy issues,’ or serial daters who are addicted to apps as they are aging out. The rest have given up on life.

    By the time I met someone both nice and attractive, I was left wondering what the catch was. Seems too good to be true.

    Women do awful things, too. One completely gaslighted me— wasn’t sure if we were friends or in a relationship. She would discuss her previous boyfriend a lot— and discuss at length what she wanted out of a relationship— as if it didn’t include me. After months together she broken up with a terse text message. She was extremely attractive- had just become a grandma- I believe validation was heavily involved. Also- she had five adult kids— and NONE lived nearby. That says something

    Another was much younger- gave off rebound vibes— like being with me was revenge over her ex. She would meltdown if I didn’t return messages immediately— assuming I was with some other woman….. not….. driving a car? It was extreme. Then boom- she ended things in a casual text— and I couldn’t have cared less.

23. I’m 35. I had been single for 3 years and wasn’t really thinking about a relationship and by chance met someone and fell head over heels for them, we were seeing eachother for 4 months and he lovebombed me to get close to me and manipulate me into behaving the way he wanted. He started showing signs of being possessive and controlling and when I refused to give into his demands he broke up with me. I’ve never been so heartbroken and hurt in my entire life. It’s been a very tough 2 months trying to process it all and heal from the heartbreak and loss.

    Honestly my whole dating life has just been a string of men either cheating on me or treating me poorly for seemingly no reason. It’s all good and well saying pick better but when people are pretending to be good people and then switch it up a few months in, there’s nothing more I can do to try and protect myself from these monsters.

    Idk what it is with men these days but I just haven’t met anyone who’s a good person and I don’t think I can be bothered to do it all again considering my track record it just seems like it’s going to be another bad experience.

24. I haven’t given up on dating, yet. I’m 30 and I’m only starting.

25. People just love to love bomb. I was convinced I met my soulmate until I received the “I don’t think I’m ready to give a part of myself to somebody right now and I can’t continue communicating or this connection right now”. I’m still not over it. And it’s been like 2.5 weeks

26. To protect my heart. Just couldn’t have a heartbreak again, ever. Too sensitive for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

27. Not completely given up, but taken a long break. When I first started dating (after my divorce, she cheated) it was pretty good. Getting matches and dates wasn’t an issue at all. Most dates turned into follow-up dates. But especially with the women I met on the apps, as soon as we started having sex, it would turn into just about that. And whenever I’d mention doing something else, something more ‘relationship-like’ activity, it would sissle out.

    I stopped using dating apps after experiencing that several times, and dated women who I either met the old-school way, or though social media.

    But with those women, I just got really disappointed. The main theme, them being selfish.

    I’ve always dated women as close as possible to my own age. The youngest being 7 years younger, but also dated 7 years older. I tried to date women who were at the same stage of life I am. 45, 2 kids (that are with my 50%), good job, no financial struggles. Because I wanted a partner, not a leech. But somehow it seems everything is expected of me, and I’m not to expect anything.

    I miss companionship, intimacy, someone to do life together with. But maybe that just isn’t in the cards. It’s ok, I have my kids, friends, a good job with colleagues who are fun to work with. I’m not in a hurry to find someone. If it happens, it happens. But I’m not going to use apps or actively search.

28. F63, after a 28 year relationship, I ended up single again. I went on dating sites and at first I made the decision to talk to someone a few months before I would meet in person. The first guy I dated that I thought there was a connection ended up being married — even though he had been talking g to me about an hour every night and I could call him any time.

    A few others I talked to a long time and then met only to be able to tell in person that they had been very dishonest on their calls. Sometimes it took a few dates to see it.

    The next guy. I thought might be something i ran a background check. I dated someone two years who decided to move across the country after two years. I wasn’t ready to make that commitment. He broke up with me.

    I decided to date a few guys casually instead of focusing on getting to know one. I decided to narrow it down to one. He seemed a good fit. He professed to be seriously interested. Then, I had a significant injury in an accident. My face was badly bruised and cut. He quit calling regularly. After my face healed well. He started calling again.

    While I was hurt, struggling in a lot of ways, one of the guys that I decided not to date kept calling. He offered to drive me to the doctor. I took him up on it. He was kind and was helpful and wasn’t scared off with how I might look afterwards.

    I don’t know if it will work long term. We have been dating 4 months. I enjoy his company and he appears to be quite monogamous. From my experiences, I’m wondering if the problem I’ve had along the way was more about my ability to choose well than the dating site’s problem. That being said, there a lot of men who misrepresented who they were, but that is always going to be a problem with dating someone you don’t know. I choose not to be alone.

    If this doesn’t work, I’ll do the same thing. Try to make good choices, date a few guys casually while I’m figuring out who they are. Then pick one to get to know better. It is better than being alone. I live in a rural area. There are no unattached men I would want to date living nearby.

29. I haven’t given up, I just don’t bother trying to find someone. I’ve been single 5 years, I’m comfortable on my own so it doesn’t really matter.

30. I am a woman, and I would say yes, at least for now. Rather than spending time with someone I do not even like and wasting both our time, I would rather focus on myself and enjoy my own company. I am looking forward to try new stuff, which I’ve been doing before but maybe add some more hobbies.

    For me, it is not just about looks, it is also about quality. Where I am, the dating pool is not always great. I am not perfect, but I do make an effort. I take care of myself, dress well, smell nice, and I work. A lot of the people I come across seem to have children, no stable jobs, and dramatic, not ambitious.

    It often feels like unless you are willing to settle or financially support the relationship, there is not much to gain. And even then, you might be criticised for helping or expected to do even more. It is exhausting and, honestly, it affects your morale over time.

    So for now, I would rather step back. Maybe I would feel differently if I were meeting people on a similar level or slightly more aligned with where I am in life. But giving people a chance based on potential has not really worked for me. It sounds nice in theory, but in reality, it rarely does.

31. I’ve practically given up, haven’t really been in a relationship since highschool when I graduated in 2013, I’m 32 now. I know I’m no George Clooney or Antonio Banderas in their prime especially for being 6ft 300 lbs (fat but carry it well) and I try to lose weight but it’s near impossible for me with my hunger spikes and my sciatica and hip pain to boot (tore both hip joint cartilage’s and had a hip scope surgery on one already) so moving in certain ways at certain speeds and intensity hurts me horrendously.

    Nobody approaches me in public, when I try to make a move women are either creeped out or immediately intimidated by a 300lb 6ft Mexican dude walking up to them out the blue so I just went with online dating and that has made me feel more of a ghost especially with the fake profiles that swipe right on me or the girls just looking for a sugar daddy which I’m not doing period. Add in the fact I’ve also had bad experiences with women that I tried to go on dates with I can hardly trust any women especially if they flirt with me

    One girl I used to work with hit me up after I got shot down by another girl and things were going great up until she texted me one day that she went to a bar and got knocked up by a guy she didn’t even get the name of and had the audacity to ask me to go to the abortion clinic with her full well knowing I liked her all that time

    I could honestly write a book about all my failures in dating and truth be told I’d never finish it, my only respite was when my buddy and his wife “invited” me but now that they’re divorced it’s back to paying $50 a month for an alarm clock with Facebook and reddit…

32. For now and for a while, yes. I’m working on me, personal goals and achievements, learning to love myself, learning to be alone, and discovering things I love but should have tried long ago. Maybe someday I’ll try again but right now really enjoying getting to know me.

33. Almost no one responds. The ones that do, give one word answers or ghost.

    I don’t bother any more.

34. Sure did. Tried men, women, poly, mono. I’ve learned a lot about myself, but everyone I’ve ever dated became a lesson, not a partner.

    I feel like maybe it’s me sometimes, but then I also remember I would never use someone for a place to live, and then fuck off when I could move back in with my momma.

    Whatever. Anyway, truth be told?

    I’ll just stick to my 2d people. Romantically, anyway. It’s just better for everyone.

35. 26M, I’ve completely given up. Last two years I had 3 experiences that all had extremely weird and unlikely endings, and I just think at this point something is trying to tell me it’s not meant to be for me.

36. I don’t want to say I’ve given up. Let’s say I’m on an extended sabbatical.

    It’s because I’m tired. Dating, particularly online dating, is exhausting. Mostly just a bunch of 1st dates, the occasional 2nd dates, and in a couple of rare cases a whopping 4 dates, but nothing ever sticks. The repeated rejections take their toll. Not to mention all the ghosting. What is this, a haunted house?!

    I’ve also organically dated people I’ve known over the years. People I’d known for at least a couple of months by the time we started going out. You’d think that would have a better success rate, but no. Sure, it might last more than 1-4 dates, but none have lasted longer than 3 months. The last woman I was interested in who I met organically, we got to know each other over a month or two before I asked her out. She was very obviously interested too. But that only lasted two dates before she called it off due to a dealbreaker (she wanted to go back to travel nursing, whereas I like where I live, can’t foresee myself ever leaving the area, and can’t do long distance). I haven’t really been interested in anyone since then.

    I’ve noticed I’ve become a little more closed off and put up some walls, and kinda avoid connecting with people these days. That last part is mostly thanks to losing a few friendships over the years (one was definitely my fault).

37. I have given up on having any success dating, but I still try..

38. Yes I have given up. I’ve been in too many heartbreaks to keep going on.

39. I’m just tired of getting to know people only to be disappointed later on. I’ve come to accept that I’d probably be alone forever, so I’m doing my best to live life fully.