Hello there, me and my bf have been together for about 3 years now. We both have smoked before, I used to smoke a lot before I met him. I found it in myself I didn’t like using marijuana because it was a suppressor and coping mechanism for me. He started smoking and it was fine until he got addicted and literally went through heavy withdrawals to get past it.
Some time later now we’ve been really trying to work on turning our lives around and just doing and feeling better. We moved so obviously it makes things less easy. He told me he wanted to start smoking again. I told him my concerns and I asked him to promise to not let it control him like that. He’s currently unemployed because he gets disability and he’s about to start school in a couple months.
But now I’ve come to realize he smokes everyday and almost all day. I go to work and come home he’s stoned. I’m off today and he already started smoking early in the day. I don’t usually mind it but I also enjoy my partner being able to have a conversation and be like “here” with me. I told him I feel like he broke that promise and that it makes me upset because I know he doesn’t want to feel like that as well he’s so much better than that.
Anyways I think I hurt his feelings after bringing it up. I’m not sure what I should do so I don’t become too harsh on my end. It’s just very upsetting for me, I feel like it gets rid of his ability to focus on his goals and have meaningful conversations with me. As well he’s always tired even when I’ve been at work all day and he’s ready for bed way before me.
How can I best help him?I don’t want to see him fall hard again. I’ve also personally been in therapy and been feeling really good about myself and it stresses me out that I don’t feel he’s focused like I am. And previously it was made to feel like my mental state was an obstacle in our relationship. I just want to know how I can help so this doesn’t become a huge problem between us.