I (21F) and my bf (26M) have been in a relationship for 3 months now and he’s likes to joke about everything. At first it didn’t feel so often, especially when we were dating back in December. Now anything I say, he will respond with a joke. He’ll say outrageous things sometimes and when I think he’s serious, it’ll be a joke. I either feel like I can never have a genuine conversation with him or when I take a joke seriously, it’s something that “I know he wouldn’t say seriously.” That’s hard for me to grasp because I feel like im still getting to know him because we were coworkers/acquaintances previously.
Around the start of our relationship, he made a joke about hitting me and I was very upset by it. He replied with “you know I would never do that” and I told him, “I have PTSD (he knew this), my brain doesn’t know the difference and I just don’t joke like that because domestic violence is VERY real. I was at my breaking point here because he would say that all the time. I told him, do you have to joke all the time? He said “he could either do joke all the time or not because he’s like that with everyone.” When I said “I guess don’t joke all the time”, he became completely stoic and cold, didn’t smile once and was very dry to me. I broke down and said “I don’t want you to just shut off your personality”, that’s like the reason why im dating you. He just replied “I don’t know what you want me to do” and I just kinda said okay you can joke again, I’ll just deal with it I guess.
However, this kind of turned into me having a hard time wanting to have a conversation with him because sometimes I want to hear genuine feedback or his genuine opinion or ANYTHING that’s not a joke.
Recently on Monday, he made an insensitive comment about someone that took me aback. It was about a disabled veteran (on license plate) driving very weird on the road and while he was expressing road rage he said something in between like, “…his disabled ass…”. When I said woah why would you say that so derogatorily knowing I’m disabled myself. He says, “I’m sorry you think I would say that seriously.” I said “You said it with a very rude tone. Was that not derogatory?” and he said no. I just wanted to dead the conversation so I said, “don’t say that around me.” And we left it that.
He picks me up at my place to take me to school and drops me off at home at the end of the day. Since that recent conversation, he had been very dry. I’d attempt conversation and I’d get no response. If I ask him what do you think about what I said, he will say I have nothing to say.
I’ve been really reflecting since then and feel like I’m just not being met in the middle at all.
Today, he kind of engaged in a bit of conversation but it just didn’t feel like my bf from a couple months ago.
Because of these communication issues, does that mean we may be incompatible?